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“Is that an older woman thing to fix her man’s plate? I can’t recall the last time I saw a young woman do that,” Countee said.
“Averie fixed my plate earlier,” I responded.
“Your situation is different. It’s your party and you’re still healing so of course, she would fix you a plate. I’m talking about in the normal course of a day,” Countee countered.
“It’s not a requirement for me to have my food brought to me. I’m more than capable of fixing my own plate,” Ray said.
“I would be suspicious if Coco all of a sudden brought me a plate of food. I might make her ass…butt, sorry JD, taste it first,” Roc laughed.
We all laughed.
“I think it’s something that women are taught at an early age from older women. When men would come home from work and the wife stayed home, she felt it was her duty to ensure that she created a respite from the world when he entered his house. Early on in our relationship, I thought it was Elisa’s duty to cook my food, make my plate and put the largest piece of meat on it. Then clean the kitchen after she cooked and come to bed and make love. I had zero concern for how she felt or how much work I was. She worked outside the house just like I did but she still did all those things for me.
Then my sister and brother in law died. She took on my niece and nephew without one gripe or hesitation and immediately stepped into the mother role. One day, after the kids had been with us for maybe two years, I came home from work and found Elisa unconscious on the kitchen floor. The kitchen was spotless, there was a pot of something on the stovetop and food in the oven.”
“I don’t remember that,” Xavier said.
“That’s because you and Nette were out at afterschool stuff. Remember you were playing basketball and Nette was in some reading group or something?”
“Oh yeah, I would pick her up after her little group and auntie would pick us up from her school.”
“Right, I don’t know if you remember, but Deacon Baker picked you and Nette up one time from school?”
“I do remember that. He called you from the payphone by the school, and you told us it was okay to ride with him because you and Auntie were in a meeting that went long.”
“Yeah, well, we were at the emergency room. We never told you and Nette because we didn’t want you to worry. Elisa had worn herself out and passed out from low blood pressure and exhaustion. She was so busy taking care of us that she wasn’t taking care of herself. I thought I’d lost her. From that day forward, I adjusted my way of thinking. I purchased cookbooks so that I could cook dinner sometimes. The kids started washing their own clothes and were responsible for taking meat from the freezer to cook for dinner. We turned our household into a community. So if you see her bring me a plate, it’s only because she wants to. Not because she feels some pressure to do it. I would’ve fixed her plate had I stopped in the kitchen first.”
“You don’t believe in gender-specific roles?” Countee asked. “I think it’s important to establish who does what in a relationship.”
“And that’s why you’re still single,” Ray laughed.
“As a man, there are some things that I naturally do for my wife. She doesn’t open a door. She doesn’t cut the grass or take out the trash. I handle the maintenance of the cars and the house maintenance.”
“Right! That’s your role as a man,” Countee said.
“No! It’s because that’s what she lets me do!” JD laughed. “It’s what I’m good at and what she trusts me with. I am the head of the house, but Elisa is the manager. We as men can only really focus on one thing. When most men get a list, we start at the top of the list and work our way down. Women review the list, see what they can combine and work the list in the order of importance and efficiency.”
“If Elisa wanted to cut the grass, you would let her?” Ray said.
“I can’t stop her. I would go out with her and show her how to operate the lawn mower,” JD responded confidently.
“Does your attitude have anything to do with you being with the same woman for so many years?” Countee asked.
“You should hope to find someone that makes everything feel new even after thirty plus years,” JD smiled.
Mr. Patterson made his way over to us followed closely by Kerem, both were carrying beers. They spoke to all the men seated in the area.
“Let me guess…my mother?”
“No, my daughter!” Mr. Patterson responded.
“We’ve been busier here than we are at the charity event every year!” Kerem commented.
“Mr. Patterson, we were just talking about gender-specific roles in relationships. What do you think about that?” Countee asked.
“I think if you want to have a relationship you won’t even try it!” he laughed, “I saw that model of gender roles with my parents. I thought that was how it was supposed to go but Estelle taught me real quick. We became a team. Sometimes she cooked and sometimes I would. We shared all the chores until we taught the girls how to do things.”
“Keeva and I have specific jobs in the relationship, but Big Wes pulled me to the side before we got married and taught me how to let her shine and support her. So, that’s what I try to do,” Kerem added.
