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“Hey,” she said when she opened the door to the bedroom. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
She turned on the lights in the room then walked over to me to kiss me. She reached my chair, and I held up the piece of paper. She froze. I tilted my head waiting for her to speak.
“Where did you get that from?” she finally spoke.
“Where didyouget it from?” I returned. “When did you get it? Is it yours?”
She looked like she was going to be sick, but I couldn’t concern myself with that. I needed answers. She sat down on the bench at the foot of the bed and faced me.
“Well?”
“I got it from the doctor. About a week ago. I went because I was still feeling sick and I told you I would. So, yes, it’s mine.”
“Vee, you’re pregnant?”
She nodded her head.
“When were you going to tell me?”
She shrugged her shoulders as she looked out the window into the night’s sky.
“I need for you to open your mouth and explain to me what the hell is going on. You are pregnant with my child, correct?”
She quickly turned to me with her eyebrows bunched together.
“Who’s else would it be?” she said with a generous helping of sass.
“I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m just prefacing my next statement,” I shot back.
“Well, it sure as shit sounded like a question. When would I have time to fuck around with someone else, El? Hm? I’m magical but I can’t split myself in two. That’s the only way that shit would ever happen! On top of the fact that I am not a whore! I don’t sleep around! I am committed to one man, you!”
“First of all, calm all the way down! Watch the words that you use with me. I don’t curse at you so don’t curse at me. That’s the last time I am going to say that to you. Second, I didn’t accuse you of anything! And don’t try to start an argument to get us off on another conversation. You knew that you were pregnant and you kept it from me, why?”
She didn’t immediately respond. I was finding it incredibly difficult to contain the anger that was coursing through me. I was about to demand an answer and then she spoke while looking out the window.
“I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep it.”
“Excuse me?”
Tears started running down her face. My instinct was to go to her and comfort her, but I was too angry and needed too many answers. I stayed seated.
She wiped her face and continued, “What if I am carrying a beautiful baby boy? A boy that’s handsome like you, smart, driven and destined to change the world? All people will ever see is his dark skin. They will treat him different because he is a black man. They will never take out the time to get to know his heart only the color of his skin. Most people won’t see him for the beautiful creature that you and I created. Then someone who can’t see his beauty comes along and takes him from us…from me? Maybe they drive by the yard and see him playing with his toy in his own yard and shoot him? What if he is accused of stealing something from a local store and is gunned down in the street like a wild dog? What if he is walking home in his own neighborhood and someone fears the color of his skin and shoots him because they are standing their ground? What if he driving one day, gets pulled over and gets murdered because he is reaching for his ID? What if they burst into our home and take him because they think he committed a murder? What if he is jailed because he was in the vicinity of a murder but didn’t commit it? What if they accuse him of selling drugs after someone plants drugs in his house? All of those things have happened! The last three happened in his direct bloodline! I don’t want to create someone so beautiful and have him taken away from me.”
She put her face in her hands and cried. I moved from the chair and sat next to her on the bench. I held her close to me.
“Vee, all of those concerns are valid. We can’t stop the racism, hate, profiling or any other thing that this country is founded on, but we also can’t live our lives in fear. My son is going to have my looks and your brain. He will literally be unstoppable. We’ve created a superhuman. All we can do is train him up and teach him right from wrong. We know how to fight the system and beat it. That’s not a concern.
No, we can’t stop some frightened, undertrained, racist cop from hurting him but we can try our best to keep him out of those situations. If…if we lose him then we would never shut up about it. People all over the world would know his name, do you understand? All those responsible would be punished by us, not by the court system. Please don’t take my baby away from me. Our baby is worth fighting for. He’s worth loving even if we don’t get a full lifetime. We made him in love. Our love is the most spectacular thing I’ve ever experienced so our child will be the most spectacular thing this world has ever seen. Please give me a chance to see him grow.”
“You want me to keep him?”
“Hell yeah! I knocked over your tote bag in the closet. When I was putting everything back in, I found this paper. When I first read it, I was excited as hell, then I got mad because I felt like you were trying to keep something from me.”
“I did keep it from you, and I am sorry, but I am seriously afraid. I’ve never been so afraid in my life. As soon as the doctor told me I was pregnant, I fell in love with this little person, but I love him enough not to expose him to this cruel world.”
“I understand how you feel. I will make you this promise. You protect him while he’s in there,” I pointed to her stomach, “Then when he comes out, I will make take on the responsibility of keeping him safe. I won’t bubble wrap him and isolate him, but I will make sure that he understands life. Can we make that deal?”
“Yes,” she finally smiled, “We are going to be parents?”
