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“That’s different.”
“Why?”
“I dunno. It just is.” We’re silent for a minute or so, my eyes still on the ceiling. “When we danced the other night, it was the first time I’d ever danced with a guy.” My voice is quiet, and although I’m embarrassed to admit it, I’m glad it’s dark, and he can’t fully see my face. “I’m experiencing more than one ‘first’ with you.”
“Look at me, Hallie.” I turn my head toward him, and he smiles. “What have been your other firsts with me?” he asks, his eyes holding mine.
“First time on a bike. First time I’ve had a guy in my apartment… a guy who wasn’t my dad anyway.” I chuckle and move back onto my side. “First time I’ve shared a bed with a guy.” My voice is quiet as I admit to the last ‘first,’ and I roll onto my back and cover my eyes with my hand.
“I wonder if we can tick off any more ‘firsts?’” His fingers tangle with mine as he moves my hand from my face.
When my eyes open, he’s moved closer to me. My heart races as his eyes drop to my lips. Unconsciously, my lips part as my breathing accelerates, and nervous excitement bubbles in my stomach. His hand cups my face, and his fingers stroke my cheek. He lowers his head and gently brushes his lips across mine. I gasp before reaching my hand up and tangling my fingers in his damp hair. He moves back slightly, but I cover the small distance and capture his lips again, pulling his head to mine. This time he kisses me with more urgency, and his tongue swipes across my bottom lip, seeking entrance. Opening my mouth, his tongue duels with mine, and I pull gently on his hair as he consumes me.
My whole world implodes with his kiss, and I never want it to end. It’s everything I imagined it would be and more. His hips push against my leg, and I can feel his hard erection pressing against me. I’m taken aback that I am having this effect on him.
Pulling back, he rests his forehead on mine, his breathing labored. I continue to run my fingers through his hair as his breathing evens out. Kissing me once more on the lips, he opens his eyes and moves back.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” His voice is pained, and disappointment floods my body. Tears sting my eyes, and I quickly blink them away, not wanting him to see how much his words hurt me. “Shit,” he mutters. “That came out wrong.” His hand still cups my neck, and his fingers continue to stroke my cheek. “I shouldn’t have done it, but I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”
“What?” I whisper, confused by what he’s saying.
“You, Hallie. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.” He drops his hand from my neck and lowers his head. “But I’m crossing a line. I should be protecting you.” He looks tortured, and I reach my hand under his chin, forcing him to look at me.
“Youareprotecting me, Sawyer. I’ve never felt safer.”
“I took my eye off the ball. If I hadn’t been so caught up with how it felt to have you wrapped around me on the back of the bike, I might have noticed Bryant tailing us from Savannah.”
“You can’t know that. He could have followed us without you knowing.” He shakes his head and sits up, my hand falling from his chin.
“It’s my job to know. What if he’d—”
“No what-ifs,” I say, cutting him off. “Nothing happened. We’re safe.”
“But—”
“No buts either.” I sit up next to him and put my hand on his arm. It’s going to break me to say what I have to say next, but I need to. “I’m not going to sit here and pretend that wasn’t the best kiss I’ve ever had. But if that’s the one and only kiss I get, then so be it. I can’t see that tortured look in your eyes again. A look I put there.”
He swings his body around to face me. “You didn’t put it there, Hallie. I did. Don’t ever think you did anything wrong.” He sighs and drags his hand through his hair. “If anything happened to you because I let my feelings get in the way, I’d never forgive myself.”
“It’s okay, Sawyer.”
“It’s not. It sucks.” His fingers brush my cheek, and he smiles sadly at me.
“Yeah, it sucks.”
“Let’s get some sleep. It’s an early start in the morning.” I hold his gaze before lying down. He turns the light off, and the room plunges into darkness. I lie on my side with my back to his, my body as close to the edge of the bed as I can be without falling out. He’s doing the same, and the gap between us seems bigger than it’s ever been.
Needing to know one thing, I roll over onto my back. “Sawyer?” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
“If things were different…” I trail off, turning my head to the side. It’s dark, but I can make out his shape in the shadows.
He sighs, his shoulders sagging. “If things were different, Hallie, I’d still follow you around and not because I had to.”
Tears prickle my eyes at his words, and I brush my fingers across my still-tingling lips. I can’t help thinking my first proper kiss, one I know I’ll compare all other kisses to, may have just messed up something that could have been amazing.
ChapterEighteen
