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“I need someone who knows. Who’s sure.”
“I...am.” It’s the first time he’s hesitated. He honestly does think that he loves me. And he probably does. But is he in love with me? How can he be when he doesn’t even know my name?
“You can’t be, Reb,” I stress. “You’re not.”
“Damn it, Raven!” he explodes, “Do not try to tell me how I’m feeling!” He’s yelling so loud that I can see the other guys starting to get to their feet to come and investigate what’s going on.
“Rebel, if you were in love with me - with anyone - you would know. There wouldn’t be any ‘I thinks’ or ‘maybes’ or ‘might bes’. If you love someone, the realisation hits you like a truck going at full speed. You can’t fucking miss it or mistake those feelings. It floors you. It’s not something you have to ponder and consider. So you can’t possibly love me.”
“I do. I feel those things. I’m just expressing it badly. I’ve never done this before.”
“We barely know each other,” I tell him sadly.
“I know enough.” ‘If only that were true,’ I think to myself sadly. Tears slowly wind their way down my cheeks.
“What’s going on here guys? I thought everything was all good? Why the shouting?” Jax asks.
“Yeah, what’s he done to fuck up now?” Thorn jokes.
But he’s hit the nail right on the head. Rebel’s fucked up. He’s taken a good thing that somehow between the five of us worked, and he’s fucked it up beyond repair.
As the guys all crowd into the kitchen, the walls seem to press in on me. I’m already edging my way backwards past the island towards the front door.
“Raven, wait. Don’t go. Whatever he’s done we can fix, if you stay and talk about this.” Jax is as calm as ever on the outside, but I can detect a note of panic in his voice.
“Princess,” Ace pleads, but I’m shaking my head and backing away.
“What the fuck did you do?” Thorn shouts at Rebel.
“Nothing! I just told the truth, but someone isn’t ready or willing to hear it,” Rebel spits back.
“Fucking put this right! We’re not about to lose the girl we’re all in love with because you’re a fucking dick and have upset her!”
Deafening silence fills the room for a moment. Then Jax says, “Way to go ruin the surprise, dickhead,” and smacks the side of Thorn’s head, looking pissed.
Oh. Dear. God. Holy fuck. They all think they’re in love with me? This is what tonight was about?
It’s too much.
I can’t breathe.
I need to get out.
I turn and run for the front door, ignoring the shouts from the princes behind me. I need... I don’t know what I need, but space and fresh air sound like a good start. I wrench open the door and race out into the crisp, calming air. I run, not caring that in my haste I forgot to grab shoes, and I don’t stop running until I’m safely in my dorm room.
Now what the fuck am I going to do?
Lizzie’s Journal
April 15th 2017
I woke up this morning feeling so groggy. My head was foggy, and my joints were aching. My mouth was like the desert. If I drank, I would’ve put it down to a hangover. But I don’t. I think I must be getting the flu or something. It makes me glad that it’s a Saturday today. I can have a quiet weekend to relax and get better. I can’t afford to be ill and miss classes.
I know that I went to a party last night, but I don’t remember why I agreed to go. There must’ve been a reason. I try to keep a low profile now. The bullying’s getting pretty bad, despite me breaking up with the princes, but for some reason I allowed a couple of the friendlier girls in my maths class to talk me into going to an off-campus party.
Only I don’t remember anything after arriving. I can’t really even remember what the house was like when we got there. I have no idea how I got home. I woke up completely naked. I wondered if one of the girls from my maths class slipped some vodka into my coke last night in an attempt to get me to unwind and lighten up. It doesn’t seem like their style, though.
When I went to get up, my legs gave way entirely. Luckily, I landed on the bed and not the floor. It was really odd. I tried to stand again, more slowly the second time and managed it. But I’m at a total loss as to what could be affecting me like this. Painstakingly slowly I made my way to the bathroom. I sat on the loo, and my breath was stolen from me. It hurt so bad. It brought tears to my eyes I was so sore down there. I finished and stood to wash my hands, and that’s when I noticed the bruises.
The tops of my arms are ringed with small purple bruises that look suspiciously like finger marks, and there’s even some around my neck. What the hell happened last night?
I stumbled back into my room, and that’s when I spied my clothes from last night lying in tatters on the floor. My dress is shredded as are my panties. Even my bra’s wrecked.
Ripped clothes, bruises, pain down there and no memory, with flu-like symptoms. Ice cold dread filled me, and I fell to the floor, this time in shock. I felt sick. Writing this now, I still do.
I think I need to visit the campus nurse for a rape kit.
