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Chapter Twenty-Four

I return to school late on Monday night. It’s a bank holiday, so I don’t have to worry about missing school because term doesn’t start until tomorrow, but I’m also back late enough that I know I’ll be able to avoid the princes. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do there. How do I explain to them why I ran away and have been avoiding them?

It’s not like we can all have a little chat about the truth: oh hey, I ran away because I think one of you may have raped my twin sister who died here. I’m pretty sure she didn’t commit suicide but was murdered. Oh and surprise! I’m not who I’ve been saying I am, so our whole relationship is based on a lie, so there’s no way any - let alone all - of you can be in love with me? Sounds swell. Maybe we can do it over pizza.

Of course, I don’t actually think any of them raped my sister. Jesus, the idea is abhorrent. I feel I know them well enough to know, in my bones, that none of them would ever have laid a finger on Lizzie. So it’s not that which is upsetting me, it’s more that I’m struggling to accept that they were all so oblivious to what she went through.

I still have so many questions.

I mean, firstly, they’re supposed to be these all-powerful princes that run the school. I haven’t seen any evidence of that at all. They seem to keep to themselves, they’re on the edges of society, almost outcasts. From what I’ve seen, they’re not feared or revered the way that the princesses are. I want to know why. What happened to change them from the princes Lizzie knew to the ones I know in just the short space of a school year?

Also, Michael said that nothing in this school happened - at least back then - without the princes’ say so. If that’s to be believed it would mean that Tilly and the girls were bullying Lizzie at the princes’ green light. Why though? What did Lizzie do that was so awful that she deserved what happened to her? Was it personal, or random? Did they just pick on her for being new? At the very least, the princes would have to have known about the bullying, even if they didn’t give the go-ahead...So even if they sat by and let the girls do their own thing, doesn’t that make them guilty by association? Guilty for not intervening and helping her? I mean, what kind of person - much less four of them - sits by and lets their girlfriend be bullied?

Or were they in on the bullying? Were they all dating Lizzie as part of the act? Was it a cover to avoid suspicion? Or to keep her here longer to stop her from dropping out? Was it a sick joke? A really fucked up way of trying to get close to her so that they could bully her more?

It just doesn’t feel right to me. Not after the conversation with Jax. It felt genuine like he really cared for Lizzie and mourned her loss. So what the hell was going on? Why did Rebel stand her up, ditch their lessons for months and then suddenly reinsert himself into her life?

Then there’s Michael. Can he be trusted? He was the fifth prince. So what happened to change that? Lizzie said he was a great guy and a good friend, but why didn’t he help her more? Especially if he had the weight and power to be able to do so as a prince. Something isn’t ringing true there.

As I toss and turn in my bed, sleep alluding me, I realise that the truth is, there are still too many gaps and unanswered questions. Some of which I may never know, even if I was to sit down and reveal the truth to the princes - which I could never do. I wish Lizzie’d left me more to go on than a few cryptic journal entries. There’s only a handful left for me to decode and I get the feeling that they’re not going to magically hold all the answers.

***

“Raven, can we talk?” Despite my best efforts to avoid the guys, it’s Jax that corners me after class at the end of an insanely busy week. There was no gentle easing us back in, the teachers walloped us. I guess with under three weeks to go until the exams begin, it’s understandable. But after only four days of class I feel like I never even had a holiday!

“Ugh.” Those words again. You’d think that they would’ve learnt their lesson from last time.

“Not like that. We owe you an apology.”

“Okay. Talk.” I fold my arms and stare stubbornly at Jax, not prepared to just melt at whatever he has to say.

“Can we go somewhere more private?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I have to study and get to the library, so can we make this quick?” I look at my watch in a pathetic attempt to look as busy as I’m claiming to be. It’s weak. He knows it.

“Let me walk you to the library and then I can talk to you real quick and leave you to it.”

“Okay,” I reluctantly agree. I’m not sure what other choices I have with Jax. He’s not one for letting things go until he gets what he wants. And I want to avoid a scene as the rest of the class slowly packs up around us in an attempt to eavesdrop and gain some good gossip. I sigh and head off in the direction of the library, and Jax falls into step beside me. We walk in silence. It’s pretty awkward. People stare as we pass. Jeesh, does word really spread that quickly around here?

We reach the library, and Jax immediately steers me towards one of the private study rooms at the back. I briefly wonder if it was the one Lizzie used to use. He indicates that I should sit, so I do. Anything for a quiet life and to avoid yet another fight. I start to pull out my revision books as there’s no sense in moving to a different part of the library when we’re done, but Jax asks me to stop.

“Can you just focus on me for a minute?”

“Sure,” I say, pausing and looking up at him.

Jax doesn’t sit. He paces. Up and down the tiny space so many times that I start to feel motion sick just watching him.

“Can we get on with it please?” I try hard not to sound bitchy, but I really do have to work.

“Sorry. Sorry,” he mutters, still pacing.

“Jax!” I raise my voice, and he stops to look at me. “Can you sit down or something? All the back and forth is making me ill. You’ll wear a hole in the carpet.”

“Oh sorry,” he apologises again, sounding most unlike Jax. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“You wanted to speak to me?”

“I know I did. I do. It’s just, now that I’m here with you all the things I wanted to say have gone from my head, and I’m just trying not to kiss you.”

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