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As Jax pauses and takes a drink, I look around the room. Baxter looks uncomfortable, Raven looks sick, even though I’m guessing she’s heard all of this before. Ace and Thorn look like they’re barely keeping it together.
“I tried to make Tilly stop, and I think she laid off for a while, but...but when we all started dating Lizzie, it reared up again. I think it was worse than ever.”
He looks devastated. As well he should. What an idiot!
“I’m pretty sure when Lizzie broke up with us all, and said it was because she couldn’t cope with all of us and couldn’t choose between us, it was a ruse. I think she was trying to distance herself from us to stop the bullying once and for all.”
“Did...were the others involved?” Thorn asks quietly.
“Yes. All of the girls were. And Tilly probably roped in the rest of the students.”
“Fuck. How...keep...secret?” Ace stammers.
“Yeah, what he said. How the fuck did the whole school manage to keep it from us? Or are we all just stupid as fuck?” I demand.
“I have no idea how they kept it quiet. You were pretty oblivious. And Lizzie was really good at hiding it when she was around us. At times she even had me believing it had all stopped. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”
“Fuck that, I blame you!” I exclaim. Damn temper. How am I supposed to be all zen and shit when he’s saying this.
“How bad was it?” Thorn asks quietly.
“She wanted to end her life at times. She was strong, but it was too much. It was only when she found out she was pregnant that she decided to fight, to survive. For the sake of her child.” Raven informs us. Tears stream quietly down her face.
“And she was...Michael did...Tilly made…” Thorn stammers.
“Yeah.” She gets his meaning, but no one wants to say it.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah,” she repeats.
“I don’t know how to make this right,” Jax says.
“I don’t think you can,” I tell him softly. “Lizzie’s gone.”
“I know that. And I’m not saying that I wanted what happened, but we would never have met Raven any other way, would we?” He turns to her and continues, “And I hate that what I’ve done has caused you more pain and suffering when you’ve already lost and been through so much.” When he finishes his speech, he actually looks shocked by his own admission about caring for her, much to my amusement. He can huff and puff all he likes, but it’s pretty plain to see he has it as bad as the rest of us.
“Thank you,” she murmurs, barely audible. My heart hurts at the sadness on her face. How can I fix this? It may not be my mess to fix, but I do see it as my job to make Raven happy and to help her heal.
“I am sorry,” Jax says.
“Let’s acknowledge that that is going to take time,” I say, at a loss to say anything else.
Silent nods all around, the mood sombre.
I don't really know how I feel about this now. It’s complicated. God, that sounds like such a cliché, but it’s true. On the one hand, it’s a really shitty betrayal from Jax. On the other, well…does it really matter now? I’m not sure. I guess we’re all gonna need time to process.
“Phoenix. Now.” Jax growls. I don’t understand why he’s being such an asshole right now. Everyone seems willing to forgive him, so why’s he riding Raven so hard?
“Hold that thought,” Raven exclaims, getting to her feet.
“No,” Jax grumbles.
“Sorry, I’m just gonna check on Phoenix...and have a drink...and a wee.”
“Raven-” Jax warns, “I’m not buying your excuses.”
“I need a nervous wee, okay! I need to go.” She races from the room. Jax sighs, but it just makes me smile. I forgot she has the bladder of a small child. I’m sure we all want this over with. Why are we here? I get that Ace wants everything to be all sweetness and light, but it’s just not going to happen yet. Maybe ever, if Jax’s attitude is anything to go by.
