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“I don’t know,” she confesses. “My gut says yes, but my heart says this is Phoenix’s home. My head says, leaving would be letting him win.”
“Don’t worry about that. It’s not winning if you force yourself to stay somewhere where you’re miserable.”
“I’m okay when I’m not alone,” she murmurs.
“I’ll stay with you then. Or one of us will,” I offer. I’m deadly serious. I’m not leaving her alone here if she’s having panic attacks or triggers back to her attack.
“I’ll be fine,” she protests, but I’m adamant.
“I don’t care. Fine isn’t good enough. I need you to be safe and happy.” With me, I silently add.
It feels so good to hold her again. Calm. Peaceful. Right. I don’t want to let go.
Eventually I do though, and she seems as reluctant to step away as I am to release her. We walk back along the hallway in a companionable silence, together, but not touching.
I’m not going to say that one small hug suddenly makes everything okay, but it does give me hope that we can salvage something between us.
Raven’s Diary
Present Day
Jax’s confession has shattered my world and my heart. How can he claim to love me after what he did? Was I supposed to be grateful that he went after Tilly for the Michael thing? Or impressed because he said he was doing it for Lizzie too? How can he expect me to ever be able to look him in the face again. I see Lizzie, devastated and crying in the rain at the winter concert every time I close my eyes. Every time I look at him. And the worst thing of all? It hurts so much more because I still love him.
