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Chapter Thirteen
Baxter
“We need to talk,” I say as soon as Raven enters the dining room.
“Erm, okay.” She glances around the dining room which is all set up for an intimate, romantic meal for two, and frowns in confusion. Those words tend to be synonymous with bad news.
The candlelit table looks like something out of a movie, thanks to Thorn. We should probably stop taking the piss out of him for his love of romcoms because it’s certainly working in my favour now.
I didn’t sleep at all last night. After Raven took off and I finally managed to get my stupid ass up off the floor, I knew it was pointless to go after her. Instead, I took a shower to remove all traces of my deceit. But it didn’t help me unwind. I was still hard as hell, but when I grasped my shaft in the shower to take the edge off, it didn’t feel right. Which is ridiculous because I’ve been taking the edge off that exact same way for years. Whenever being around her got too much.
So I sat up in my room and I plotted.
I’m no fool. I know I’m about to lose her. Because really, I’m a stranger to her. The only one to ever really know me is Amelie, and she accepted me exactly as I am. Too bad we couldn’t love each other in that way. I love Raven so completely that even now, the knowledge floors me. I didn’t think I had the ability to love, let alone at this capacity. Which is why I’ve always kept her at arm’s length from the real me. Partly to protect her, because she isn’t privy to this lifestyle like Amelie is, but also to protect myself. To protect my heart. Because if she knew the truth, she would surely be incapable of loving me back. And then I’d lose her.
But if I don’t tell her, I’m going to lose her anyway.
So it’s time. I decided in the early hours of this morning that I have to come clean. There can’t be any more secrets or lies between us. I have to tell her everything. Even though I’ll still lose her anyway, at least she’ll know why I kept her at arm’s length all these years, preferring to step into the role of the hero she cast me as. It was nice not to be the villain for once.
I’ll walk away, even though it’ll kill me, so that she can still have the life she deserves with the others. I won’t let my shit storm destroy their love too. Besides, if The Order even catch wind that I’m spilling our secrets, they’ll have me taken out. Even with Amelie at the helm, the rules are still concrete.
But it’s worth the risk.
Raven clears her throat and I’m pulled back into the present.
“Don’t look so worried,” I say smoothly, even though my heart is knocking against my ribs so loudly I’m sure she can hear it.
I pull her chair out for her, helping her to sit and placing the napkin in her lap like a proper refined gentleman and everything.
“I wish you’d told me about dinner. I would have dressed up.” She squirms uncomfortably in her seat, her gaze darting between her loungewear and my immaculate three piece tweed suit. All I see is her perfection.
“It’s just dinner in your home. No need to get dressed up.”
“Our home,” she instantly corrects, and I smile at her with warmth. How nice it sounds to be included, wanted. It’s a shame she won’t feel that way for long. My bags are already packed, a plane waiting on standby to take me away.
“What’s the occasion?” she asks in a shaky voice as I sit down opposite her. I’m sure she feels wrong-footed, probably still spoiling for a fight after last night. Rightly so. She should have kicked my ass.
“No occasion. I just wanted to treat you to a nice meal that doesn’t come from a takeaway container and to spend some time one on one with you.” I know it’s a lie, sort of, but I’d just like to wait a little before the confessions start.
Before either of us can say another word, the door to the dining room opens and Ace enters, carrying our plates. I roped him in to help with the food. She probably won’t realise but I asked him to replicate the meal from the night we met. I barely believed in love back then, but damn if she didn’t have me hard as steel. Especially when she drove that knife through my hand.
I groan at the memory and Raven gives me a funny look.
“Smells good,” I lie.
Damn. I need to stop lying.
It’s just, after all these years and my training with The Order, it comes as naturally to me as breathing.
“Looks nice,” Raven says, unconvinced, before muttering under her breath, “for fairy food.”
I smirk.
“I’m sure you’ll like the main course better.”
She gives me a small smile and finishes the first dish.
I don’t have to worry about small talk because Ace clears the empty plates and returns straight away with the mains. Raven’s smile is much warmer when she spies the juicy ribeye steaks and homemade chips on the plate. Now she recognises the significance of the meal.
