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“Sorry,” Dane muttered as he wiped at his wet face with his hands.
“It’s okay,” Jax said as he continued to stroke Dane’s back. “You want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” Dane said.
“Do they happen a lot?” Jax asked as he eased them back down and pulled Dane onto his chest.
Dane nodded. “Most nights since the shooting,” he admitted. “Before that maybe a couple times a week.”
“Was Isaac your husband?” Jax asked as he gently touched the wedding band Dane continued to wear.
Another nod.
“What happened to him, Dane?”
Dane was silent for a long time, then the hand on Jax’s side gripped him hard as if Dane was looking for something to keep him in the moment.
“He was murdered.”
Jax forced himself to remain relaxed. He let his fingers trail through Dane’s hair, adding just enough pressure to ease some of the tension in Dane’s wound up body. “Tell me,” he urged.
Dane sighed and then the fingers biting into his side eased. “Isaac was a lot like you. Impossibly beautiful, strong, hard-headed. I met him when I treated a K-9 officer that had been shot protecting his handler.”
“Isaac was a police officer?”
Dane nodded against his chest. “SWAT actually. We hit it off right away but I was reluctant to pursue anything because he was ten years younger than me and I didn’t have a very good track record when it came to relationships. But Isaac was the type of guy who got whatever he wanted and for some reason he wanted me,” Dane said on a constricted laugh.
“We got married a few years ago and he started talking about having a family. He wanted lots of kids but I wasn’t so sure since my childhood hadn’t been that great. I guess I was afraid I might end up like my father.”
Jax wanted to interject, but kept his mouth shut so that Dane would continue.
“We found a surrogate and decided to use both our sperm to fertilize the donated eggs. That way either one of us could end up being the biological father.”
Dane fell silent again and Jax waited him out. The story clearly didn’t have a happy ending and he suspected the in between might not be all great either.
“The surrogate miscarried twice. The stress was hard on us but we were overjoyed when the third pregnancy looked like it would go to term. But something in Isaac started to change as the due date grew closer. Maybe I did too, I don’t know. We stopped talking like we used to and he spent more and more time working. I thought he was just freaking out about being a parent so I tried to let it go. But even after Emma was born he struggled with the stress of having a baby to take care of. We both did.”
Dane’s grip on him tightened again and Jax settled his hand on his back. “Tell me,” he urged.
“About a month after Emma was born he admitted that he’d been cheating on me for months.”
Jax closed his eyes as he imagined the pain and betrayal Dane must have felt.
“He didn’t know exactly how many men there’d been but he swore he only loved me. I threw him out and told him I never wanted to see him again.”
Jax felt Dane’s tears against his skin and he wished in that instant that he hadn’t made Dane do this.
“I ignored his calls for a few weeks. When I finally did talk to him I told him I was going to file for divorce but that we would share custody of Emma. He begged me to meet him at this diner we used to go to every week when we were dating and I agreed. He kept telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was. I told him it was too late, gave him his options for being a part of Emma’s life after the divorce and left. I was at my car when I heard the first gunshot.”
Dane buried his face in Jax’s chest as he began to cry. “He was coming after me when he heard a man screaming at his wife. Isaac tried to intervene and the man shot him in the chest. Then he shot his wife and then himself. I tried to stop the bleeding but it was too late. He told me he was sorry and then he said he loved me and then he was gone. I didn’t even get a chance to forgive him!”
Jax dragged Dane further up his body and held him as the other man sobbed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against Dane’s ear as he held him tight. He just kept repeating the words over and over until Dane quieted and eventually fell asleep in his arms.
* * *
Jax packed up the rest of his clothes and took one last look at the empty bed before leaving the room. He wasn’t sure at what point Dane had left this morning but waking up alone had been a good reminder that what had happened between them had been a one-time thing and his life would finally get back to normal today. He was certain the knot of pain in his chest would ease the second he hit the highway and would be a distant memory by the time he reached Seattle.
Jax glanced in Emma’s room as he passed and saw that it was empty. He’d ended up sleeping in longer than he usually did since he’d stayed awake long after Dane had finally fallen back asleep. He also suspected Dane had been extra quiet in sneaking out of his bed so there wouldn’t be that awkward moment where Dane would have to tell him it had been fun and then wish him a safe journey home.
