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“He did more than just freak out. He started hitting me and I could tell he wasn’t going to stop this time so I took it back and said I was just trying to make up an excuse so I wouldn’t have to admit that a fag had touched me.”
“This time?” Roman repeated with barely concealed rage.
“It wasn’t the first time, or the last. But I’ve gotten pretty good over the years at reading him, at knowing what sets him off.”
“And you knew that if he even suspected you were gay…”
Hunter nodded. “That night after my parents went to bed, I snuck out of the house and went to see Finn after a friend told me his dad had beat him up badly enough to put him in the hospital. He was asleep when I got there,” Hunter said but then had to choke back a sob before he could continue.
“He looked so bad, Roman…If I’d known that his father was like mine, I never would have done it. But the few times I saw them together, they were always laughing and happy. I figured if Finn’s dad didn’t already know, he wouldn’t care because I could see just by the way he looked at Finn that he loved him.”
Roman reached up to brush a stray tear from Hunter’s face. “I believe you.”
Hunter nodded shakily and then said, “I didn’t get to talk to Finn because he was asleep so I left. I guess Callan saw me as I was leaving. We’d never met so he didn’t know who I was at the time but when I talked to him at the ranch, I guess he recognized my hair. He saw the bruises on my face that night. When I told him I was going to tell everyone the truth, he said I had to make sure I was safe before I did it. He said something about seeing the hatred my dad has for people like him.” Hunter hesitated for a moment and then said, “Like us.”
Roman guessed it was the first time Hunter was truly accepting that he was gay but he was too preoccupied with Hunter’s admission about his father’s abuse to acknowledge it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would you have left if I had?”
“Fuck no!”
Hunter tipped his head and Roman grudgingly said, “Continue.”
“I knew he was right so I went back to school and started trying to figure out what my next steps would be. I figured the first thing my dad would do when he realized what was going on would be to try and get back the money he spent for tuition so I went to the financial aid department to see if I had any options.”
Roman opened his mouth to speak but Hunter clapped his hand over it. “Roman, I swear to God, if you offer me money right now, you’re going to see a really bad side of me and since you said you’d take both the good and the bad, I’m not going to hold back, do you understand me?”
Roman smiled against Hunter’s hand and nodded. Hunter’s hand hovered over his mouth for several seconds before he dropped it and continued. “It turns out my dad never paid this semester’s tuition and I missed all the deadlines for financial aid. The counselor was able to set me up with a payment plan and get me into work study. I had some money saved up from mowing lawns and doing odd jobs over the past few years so I was able to make the first payment and I think I’ll be able to sell my car for enough to make the second payment. I got all the applications submitted for the loans and scholarships I qualify for so I think I’ll be okay for next semester.”
“What else?” Roman asked even though it was killing him not to be able to say what he really wanted to say. Hunter looked so pleased with himself that it took the sting out of not being able to just jump in and fix things like he wanted.
“I changed my major to Engineering. I was always pretty good at math and science and I really like the idea of building things or figuring out how something works…”
“Sounds perfect,” Roman said gently.
Hunter smiled and leaned down to give him a kiss but when he sat back up, his eyes darkened somewhat. “Um, I also went to the school’s health clinic so I could get tested because I can’t be sure if all the guys at the club…if they all wore condoms. I’m tested negative,” he added hastily. “But I need to get tested again in three months and then again in six months.”
“Okay,” Roman responded.
“I also got a referral to see someone about…about this,” Hunter said as he fingered one of the burns on his chest. “My appointment is next week. I’m gonna talk to the guy about the men in the club too.”
“Are you still having nightmares?” Roman asked as he stroked his fingers over Hunter’s cheek.
Hunter nodded. He was quiet for a moment before lifting his eyes to meet Roman’s. “The message you read,” Hunter said quietly as he jerked his head towards the phone. “That was one of the times I was able to stop myself but there were other times that I couldn’t.”
Roman hated the tremor of fear he heard in Hunter’s voice. “I’m not going to make you promise you’ll never do it again, Hunter. I just need to know that if you get to that point where you can’t take what’s happening inside of you, that you’ll find me or call me, no matter where I am or what I’m doing or what time it is. I need to be able to try and help you work through it.” Roman let his fingers trail over the wounds on Hunter’s arm. “You never have to hide them from me – ever,” he said firmly.
“They’re part of you and I understand that they helped you get through some pretty shitty things. But I need that to fall on me now, no matter what happens with us, okay? Even if I’m the one who inadvertently ends up hurting you.”
“God, Roman, you’re really going to do it, aren’t you?”
“Do what?”
Hunter leaned down so that their lips were almost touching. “Make me fall in love with you,” Hunter whispered.
* * *
“Would you come with me tonight?”
