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Hunter had lost track of Roman when he’d gone to the bathroom and he couldn’t help but feel a moment of concern when he’d come out only to find the spot he’d left Roman in empty. He’d expected Victoria to go on the offensive as soon as he and Roman had arrived at the church for the service but the viper in heels had stuck close to Gray and played the role of grieving widow. By the time they’d gone to the cemetery for the burial, Gray had managed to escape his mother and sought out Roman but as with Hunter, Roman did nothing more than shake or nod his head at Gray’s gentle inquiry as to how he was doing.
It had been a challenge even getting Roman to agree to stay in California for the burial and Hunter could only figure Roman was doing it for Gray because his naked hatred for his father hadn’t eased even a little after Gray had confirmed the man was gone. After leaving the hospital, Roman had driven them back to Big Sur but he didn’t speak at all and shot down any and all of Hunter’s attempts to draw him out. The lack of emotion had frightened Hunter but when they’d gone to bed that night, Roman had made love to him and hadn’t held any part of himself back. It had been the same in the days that followed but there’d been no further discussion of his encounter with his father and he hadn’t participated in any of the funeral arrangements.
Hunter followed Luke and Gray up the stairs. If the Hawthorne mansion hadn’t been so cold and empty, Hunter would have thought it beautiful with all its fine furnishings and expensive artwork and decorations. But all he saw as he moved throughout the home that was clearly meant to be a showpiece was a young Roman trying to figure out where he fit in the strange dynamic that was his new family. How many cruel words had Victoria spat at him in this place? How many times had his father walked past him on these very same stairs and said nothing to the son he supposedly loved?
Gray led him down several hallways to a small room where the door was slightly ajar. Gray pushed open the door, looked inside the room and then stepped back and motioned to Hunter. Hunter nodded his thanks and stepped into the room. A glance behind him showed Gray had entered too but was hanging back and Luke was standing just outside the door.
He found Roman standing in front of the single window that overlooked a wooded area behind the house. He looked beautiful in his crisp black suit as he stood with his hands tucked into his pockets. Hunter glanced around the room and couldn’t help but think it looked surprisingly small compared to some of the other bedrooms he’d seen in the place. There was just a single twin sized bed in the middle of the room along with a dresser on the far wall. On top of the dresser were several vases and glass bowls. Boxes were stacked up next to the dresser and the top one was open and Hunter could see more decorative knickknacks resting in it.
Hunter went to Roman’s side and put his hand on his arm.
“You okay?” he asked gently, though he knew the answer.
“It’s small, huh,” Roman asked as he glanced at the room. “It seemed so big to me that first night.”
Hunter had figured as much that the room had been the one Roman had grown up in.
“It used to be the nanny’s quarters I guess,” Roman mused as he looked around the room. “How old were you when they let her go?” Roman asked Gray who still stood near the door.
“Fourteen.”
Roman nodded knowingly and Hunter could see the unspoken thought. Roman hadn’t even been afforded a nanny to care for him.
Roman moved away from the window and went to the dresser to examine the largest of the three vases. “I’m sorry, Gray, I couldn’t do it.”
“Do what?” Gray asked softly.
“Keep my mouth shut. Let him say his piece and get out of there.”
“You had every right to tell him how you felt,” Gray responded.
Roman picked up the heavy vase and cradled it in his hand as if testing the weight. “He said she was everything to him,” Roman whispered. Hunter went to stand by his side but just as he was reaching up to settle his hand on Roman’s back, Roman flung the vase across the room. It went right through the window and before the glass even hit the floor, Roman snatched up another vase and hurled it at the wall next to the window.
“She was everything to him but he wasn’t there watching her die a little every day! He wasn’t the one who begged her to get out of bed, who cooked for her so she wouldn’t waste away, told her stories about all the places she wanted to see!”
One by one, Roman smashed all the bowls and vases sitting on top of the dresser. Hunter didn’t try to stop him, didn’t touch him at all. He just wiped at his own tears as he watched Roman break apart, piece by agonizingly slow piece.
“Did he tell you?” Roman suddenly asked as he turned to face Hunter. “Did Gray tell you how she died?”
“No baby, he didn’t,” Hunter said gently.
Hunter could hear commotion behind him and he was able to pick out Victoria’s shrill voice screaming at someone to call the police. Luke’s low voice followed and if Hunter hadn’t been so focused on Roman, he would have smiled when he heard Luke tell Victoria to shut her fucking mouth or he’d do it for her.
“She took her own life because she didn’t want to live without him,” Roman said bitterly. “I wasn’t enough for her…she neededhim,” he spat. “I told her I’d never leave her, that I’d take care of her forever…that I’d take her to all the places he promised to take her someday but she just looked at me with this sad smile.”
Roman’s eyes began to fill with tears and Hunter knew in that instant that he hadn’t yet heard the worst of it. “I overheard the cops saying afterwards how most women do it with pills or by cutting their wrists in the bathtub. One of them actually said he was glad she hung herself instead of slicing up her wrists because it was easier to clean up. Then he…then he said he hoped she’d broken her neck when she did it because otherwise it would have been a slow, painful way to go.”
Hunter swallowed hard as he felt nausea sweep through his system. He ached to reach out to Roman but he could see that Roman needed to finish it.
“She didn’t break her neck,” Roman announced as tears began to flow unchecked down his face.
Since Hunter suspected what he was going to say, he whispered, “How do you know?”
“Because I fucking saw it!” he yelled. “I was bringing her some soup and I opened the door and saw her standing on this chair in the middle of the room. I didn’t know what she was doing at first. Then I saw the cord she had wrapped around her neck. I froze…I just fucking froze,” Roman cried. “And then I called her name and she saw me and this look came into her eyes – this empty look – and she told me she was sorry and that she loved me. Then she told me to close my eyes just before she kicked the chair over.”
Roman began to sob as he sank to the floor. Hunter dropped to the floor next to him and pulled Roman against him. Roman’s hot tears scalded his neck as Roman wrapped his arms around his waist. “I couldn’t get the fucking chair back underneath her!”
Hunter couldn’t find any words as Roman continued to cling to him so he just held on as tight as he could as tormented sobs ripped through his lover. Hunter began rocking them back and forth as he dropped his head so he could place kisses against Roman’s brow. He kept whispering “I love you” against Roman’s ear and every time he did, Roman’s fingers bit into his body. Hunter had no idea how much time passed before Roman finally calmed but even as the tears slowed, he didn’t release Roman. At some point he heard the door behind them snick closed but he didn’t look to see if they were alone or if Gray had stayed behind. All he did was hold on to Roman and even after Roman’s grip on him finally started to ease, Hunter refused to let him go.
