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Chapter Eighteen
“Sorry, it’s my fault! It took forever to get ready!” I announced to everyone the moment Anton and I boarded the jet. They had been patiently waiting for over ten minutes now.
“It’s no biggie.” Phoenix stood up and gave us a quick hug before directing us toward where we were supposed to be seated. Anton was sitting next to Mint while I had to situate my butt farther down the cabin.
My eyes travelled toward everyone seated while simultaneously greeting them with hellos before halting my steps when I finally found my spot. My heart skipped a beat when I found River sitting across the empty seat.
River. Was. Here. How was that possible? He was supposed to be out filming.
He had sunglasses on, so it was difficult to know if he was awake or not. Nevertheless, it wouldn’t stop me from waking him up.
“River!” I gleefully exclaimed while claiming my seat across from him. “Hey, I’ve been calling you, but you’ve been too busy. So how come you’re not in Ireland?”
“Cara,” he said without taking off his shades. “We wrapped up early. Only landed the other night.”
He had been here that long and didn’t even try to tell me?
“Why didn’t you say so? We could’ve gone to dinner or something.” Typically, I would be the first person he sought out, but apparently, circumstances changed.
We had been suffering a bad case of phone tag after I got back from Palm Springs. I hadn’t spoken to him since, so I must be the culprit behind his standoffish demeanor. He was probably still ticked off about that tiny argument we had.
“If you’re still mad about—”
“I actually swung by your place, but it seemed like you had a guest, so I didn’t want to intrude.” His voice was a whisper, but I felt the intensity with each word.
Oh. The other night … when Kyle came by and brought dinner … and sex.
My heart thumped as my gaze fell, feeling vulnerably bewildered. I hadn’t expected his response. I had intended to reveal what happened with Kyle in due course.
River knew, so what happens next?
My ears rang while I faintly heard the pilot announcing that we were cleared for takeoff. I could feel the burning weight of his eyes on me, reading and studying my face for answers he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He was hurt. There was no misconstruing that fact. I abhorred this type of confrontation, but I believed that I should at least say something—anything.
Raising my eyes to his face, my stricken reflection from his sunglasses registered how nervous I was right this moment.
We were in our own secluded section, and with the plane’s engine whirring around us, I had no fear that they could hear our heavy-laden conversation. Our friends were oblivious to the turmoil that brewed between us. The last thing we both needed was an audience to witness this train wreck of a pseudo relationship.
“River, I don’t know what to say to make this any less painful for the both of us.”
“Don’t mind me, Cara. Like I said before, if you’re happy, I’m happy.”
But he sounded anythingbutthat. Each time we reunited, I never failed to reiterate how sex didn’t change our circumstances.
There was profound hollowness within me as I sat across this man, disengaged and desensitized, expressionless as he conversed with me like we were discussing the weather. Where was the roar of his anger? Where was the River who would rage because his heart was broken?
“I’m sorry.” It was too late for that, nor was it necessary since we didn’t have an agreement or anything. “Maybe if you start seeing other people … maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.” It was his given choice to exclusively, even though we weren’t an item. If he saw other people, maybe that would ebb away his pain.
“Don’t worry about me, Cara. I’m a grown man; I’ll get over it.” He stated like he would rather chew on nails than speak to me. “I’m jet-lagged, so I hope you don’t mind if I doze off before we land.”
Sighing, I conceded and let him off our strained conversation.
How was I to survive partying with these people for the next three nights? Hopefully River and I would continue treating each other in a civilized manner. Well, more so him since I caused him to halt his affections for me. It was the right thing to do because, had it gone on for another month or so, River would expect more from me. Today, tomorrow, it didn’t matter, because I would never give myself to him, even if my heart silently belonged to him. No one would know what was embedded in the dark depths of my heart. It belonged to same man I had fallen in love with at twelve years old.
The one-hour flight was a taxing ordeal. It was pure torment trying not to gawk at the beautiful man across me. It bothered me that I couldn’t tell if he was awake or asleep, so I was left to my own trivial thoughts and devices while I struggled to maintain a cool, unbothered appearance.
Just before landing, Phoenix cleared his throat. “You guys, listen up! We’re all staying on the same floor, but we’ll all be in our own suites, except for Anton, Cara, and River. They’ll be in the same suite. And as for the schedule, we won’t be hosting until midnight for the next three nights, so dinner will be around nine. Hangovers are crucial, so drink up and let’s party until the top drops!”
While everyone hooted and cheered, I was slowly dying inside. How in God’s name would I survive sharing a suite with River for the next three nights? Given our delicate situation, what if the man decided to bring some chick? What would I do then?
