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Comfortable in the dark, she fascinates
Rehearsed politeness but all she wants is to run wild and paint the town red
Her repressed fire craved to be released
If she embraced her tenacity, she’d learn to love herself again
Set yourself free, baby, take off the ball and chain
Mind you, I hadn’t bridged the subject, but it eerily brought me back to that fated night we met at the rooftop premiere party. The little red dress gave it away.
There was no mistaking that River loved me. I could hear it in his voice as he sang and through the lyrics. His heart was mine. But the sadness that caused to break us apart could still be felt from his songs. His voice had the power of letting you experience the heartbreak with him. It felt haunting and purely magical.
After arriving in our rented bungalow, we strode hand in hand, deciding to set up a bonfire a few feet away from the house. Just the warmth of the fire, the sound of the ocean blanketed with the stars above us … it was the perfect way to end the night with me nestled securely in his arms.
“Looking up the stars like this … with you … brings back a lot of memories.” I sighed in contentment, basking in his presence before looking up at the sparkling little jewels glinting in the midnight blue sky.
He nipped my ear before he whispered, “How can I forget? You gave me the cherry pop.”
Did he have to be so crude?
I lightly pinched him. “Stop,” I groaned with pure embarrassment before deeply blushing. However, I couldn’t help joining in on the laughter. “It’s not that funny.”
He mellowed his ruckus before tightening his hold over my body. “It’s not, but I do love teasing you. I hope you know that was the best night of my life.”
It was mine, too. That was five years ago. It had taken every ounce of my courage to fully bare myself to him. Prideful as I was back then, for me to do that proved just how much I trusted and loved him. “It was,” I murmured before cradling his cheek with my hand, seeking his gaze. “Earlier, what did you mean ‘you could start with, you know’? I honestly don’t get it.”
His dark eyes bore into mine, staring as he pondered before shaking his head. “Never mind; it’s not that important.” He shrugged the question off as immaterial.
His reluctance piqued my curiosity. It was obvious he wouldn’t have mentioned it if it was inconsequential. “What? Just say it.” Why was he being secretive? What was I doing wrong?
“Really, Cara—”
“I’m not going to stop nagging you, so you might as well just dish it out before it drives me insane.” There were some things I didn’t take lightly; this being one of them. I believed in voicing out your thoughts, no holds barred, instead of keeping it in and letting the angst build. He and I had gone through hell, and I wasn’t going to let any minor details get in the way of our renewed relationship.
“Like I said, I’m not complaining, but I’ve wondered why … you don’t give head.” He crinkled his nose, as if uncomfortable admitting to it.
Damn. I hadn’t expected that. Where did I begin? It wasn’t his curiosity that took me aback, but the fact that I didn’t comprehend it as such a big deal.
Apprehensively looking at him, I parted my lips, intending to try to explain, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it without sounding so inexperienced and ingenuous.
“Maybe it’s because I don’t know how.” It never really occurred to me. Besides, I wasn’t all that adventurous. Images of him in Vegas with that Latina chick gobbling him up like a damn feast gnawed at my heart. “Did, uh, did Hailey do it a lot?”
He remained silent before taking a deep breath as if I had tested his patience and it was now at the breaking point. “It doesn’t matter. Can we drop the subject now?”
Easy for him to say. He wasn’t at the receiving end of it. Dropping the subject wasn’t something I could do.
“Did she or didn’t she?” I pressed.
His jaw locked. I could see his muscles flexing as if he didn’t dream of answering my question. The second our eyes locked, he looked away, as if sensing the conundrum that agonized me. “She did. That being said, can we close the subject now?”
“Okay,” I stated meekly, though my brain was concluding a lot of ideas.
Was I satisfying him enough? Deep down, I knew why he kept going back to that woman. Sex with her most likely was beyond good. Well, atop of her relentless obsession of him. That must’ve massaged his ego to no end.
“Your silence speaks volumes. I can hear you thinking, Cara. Don’t do that.”
Since the subject had been breached, there was no taking it back now. The only way forwards was for us to fully discuss this. Unless, of course, if he had any inclination for this to fester, then that could prove to be disastrous.
