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My hands shook as I dropped my phone to my side. There were a lot of people passed out and had woken up to my hair-raising screams. About fifty people to be exact, and that didn’t include the ones who were scattered, passed out on the grounds and pool/dance area.
What was next? To be hounded by the press? God, I could only handle so much. I was already hanging on by a fine thread, barely sleeping and never eating. When I was distraught, I retreated into my shell, coping the only way I knew how. But I was barely getting by. I might be alive, but that was all there was. I was completely shattered, drained from everything else that used to matter to me.
When would this end?
I wiped a tear away, feeling abandoned and overwhelmed.
The nightmare just wouldn’t stop.
“Make it stop,” I sobbed in vain as I curled into a ball, shivering and shaking like a traumatized little girl. I was already broken. There was nothing left to break. Regardless, the ball kept on rolling, far from done steamrolling through me and everything else I had worked so hard to build.
Gripping my hand against my chest, I roughly heaved as I shut my eyes.
This too shall pass. Now’s not the time to break. Never complain, never explain.
Just breathe … in and out … breathe.
Count backwards.
Keep breathing.
There you go. Keep on, keep on…
You’re alone, and you’re going to face this alone. Always remember that. YOU. ARE. ALONE. Don’t fall now, you’ve worked too hard to get where you are.
So, breathe, for fuck’s sake. Tomorrow’s another day.
My phone beeped once more, making my heart thud ever so loudly against my ribcage. I decided to ignore it, but after five minutes, I figured if it were important, I would rather know now than later.
Grasping the damn device again, I quickly grabbed it and felt my insides shrivel upon seeing Willa’s name. She was always bad news, but I opened the message, anyway.
I’m sorry your boyfriend died. I hope you’re okay. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here for you. If you’re worried about River, he’s fine. He moved on way before you guys broke up. He’s been seeing Petra Smirnova. I think this is for the best. You two fight too much, anyway. I’ll see you around. Take care.
The Bulgarian-Russian model, five years older than him and the hottest thing strutting down the runway this year.
Willa’s message seemed all innocent, but I could totally tell she was delighted River was now out of my grasp. If she truly cared, she wouldn’t have told me that, would she? Yeah, she was the little conniving cunt working her way around, manipulating things because she could, and the fact that she just plainly hated me.
Like the total masochist that I was, I searched for any news of them together. One could always count on TMZ to give you all the celebrity updates. With him dating a famous model, it surely attracted more media coverage. Sure enough, there it was … my kryptonite.
River and Petra were at a club last night,here,in Los Angeles when he was supposed to be in Vancouver, preparing for his tour tomorrow. There were hundreds of pictures of them leaving the hotspot, holding hands as he led her to a black Lamborghini before they both drove off to wherever they were going next. Most likely to River’s pad, so he could fuck her brains out.
My eyes blurred as I stared at their pictures. He moved on. That was why he didn’t want me to come to him, while leaving me hanging without any promise of tomorrow.
Even doused in this soul-destroying ache Juan had inflicted on me, I still managed to hurt a little more. My heart palpitated, constricting from the loss of my best friend, my champion, my protector, and the love of my life.
He wanted to cut ties with me …
… I would grant him his wish.
Something shifted in my heart. More importantly, something shifted in my brain. Like a switch.
I just knew then that I had to release all ties with River. To accomplish that, I had to start from the very beginning …
… To the place where it all began.
The promise tree.
