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River. The crash. Blackout.
“You fainted at the scene.”
Of all the places to pass out, I couldn’t believe I did it in the middle of a freeway and right after saving River. Where was he, anyway?
“How long have I been here?” I took in the machines next to me. I frowned, wondering why I was hooked to any of them when I only needed bandages for my elbow.
“A few hours,” she murmured before gazing down on me with that warm smile of hers.
This was good and all, but I didn’t want to stay here more than necessary.
“Can I go home now?” There was always something about hospital smells that made me feel uneasy. It was that staleness, the white walls, the antiseptic scent, the sound of death littering the halls, and the sounds of newborns being welcomed to the world, some loved, some abandoned. Yes, hospitals and I didn’t get on so well.
“You can go home, sweetie. But before you do … there’s more.” She took hold of my hand and threw me the same smile again, but this time there was sadness, maybe a little pity in those pale blue eyes of hers. “You also miscarried. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
I froze. “I was pregnant?” Then Sweden came to mind. One pill. I only skipped it once …
She nodded. “Barely five weeks. These things happen all the time. These are the delicate stages during pregnancy. From the strain you endured helping at the scene, it was probably too much for your body. But we’re also concerned because we found a lot of traces of illegal substances in your system. If you need help, counseling, rehabilitation, or just to speak to a therapist to address addiction, we’d be more than willing to assist you.”
My baby died to save its father. What kind of sick joke was that?
“Thank you, but I’m good for now.” My guards were up. Gaining back my strength, I addressed the nurse, “Where are my clothes?”
“Your clothes and your purse are right here.” She walked towards a tiny cabinet, gently pulling them out before bringing them over to me. “The officer on the scene brought it to us an hour ago. He also left a card to the towing company that has your car. Can we call someone to pick you up?”
“No. A cab will do fine.” With my clothes clutched in my hand, I maneuvered my body halfway off the hospital bed, dressed in a gown, when I halted the exiting nurse. “Sorry, but … do you know where River Ellis is?”
“He’s fine, sweetie. He’s very lucky you were there to save him. Apart from a broken rib and a mild concussion, he’ll be good as new soon enough. If you plan on seeing him, he’s not accepting visitors. His agent gave strict orders that no one goes in there without his approval.”
If he hadn’t changed his emergency person, then it would still me be, so my authority would override Ari’s orders.
“Please tell me what room he’s in?” I begged for a second time, not willing to let her out of here until she told me.
She paused, looking down before she nodded. She knew I saved him, so she must’ve understood my plight of needing to witness him breathing with my own eyes. “Three floors up. His room’s right across the nurses’ station, on the right. You won’t be able to miss it.”
“Thank you, Nurse Dorothy.”
“You take care now, sweetie. And please, try to think about what I said earlier. It’s never too late to seek help. All you have to do is take that first step.” She threw me one more thoughtful look before closing the door behind her.
I stared for a good minute, taking account her words of wisdom. The drugs weren’t self-inflicted. It was by accident. But she didn’t know that. And I didn’t care to elaborate. No one would ever know what happened to me. Over my dead body. I would take it to my grave. No one would see me as a victim, not in this lifetime.
It took me half an hour to get fully dressed. My body still suffered the aftereffects of what they had injected in me, so I was a little groggy. From there, I followed Nurse Dorothy’s instructions, and just before I was about to reach River’s room, a male nurse stopped me in my tracks.
“Excuse me, ma’am, you’re not allowed in there!” he haughtily reprimanded me as if he was guarding the crown jewels, proud and arrogant.
“I’m his emergency person,” I argued as I dug into my purse for my identification before handing it over to him. “Call his insurance company. I’m the only person authorized to make decisions if he’s incapacitated.” I even threw in a sickly sour smile just to give him a warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach.
After double-checking it twice, he begrudgingly gave me back my identification before murmuring that I could go see him.
Irritated as I was, all my focus was on River, and upon entering his room, I felt my world closing in on me. I could taste the saltiness of my tears behind my throat as I willed myself to move forward. In the middle of the room, there he lay, head bandaged up with a faint bruise on his cheek and scratches on his face. The scratches were superficial wounds. Apart from that, he appeared as though he hadn’t been in an accident. His lips were soft and red, and his pallor the same as earlier today.
I timidly took a step before reaching his side. Taking hold of his hand, I cradled it with my own before the tip of my nose brushed against it, inhaling him deeply before my lips kissed each bone on his knuckle, like the way he used to do with mine.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as tears threatened to slip from my eyes again.
The ring belonged to him. I held his hand with my left while I dug into my pocket with my right and pulled out his grandmother’s ring, closing his fingers over it.
My eyes took him in, brushing over his handsome face as if committing him to memory. Who knew when I would see him next? Maybe never. If it were up to River, I would never see him again. He would take every painstaking precaution there was to avoid running into me.
