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“I didn’t mean for you to hear that,” Kami said.
Tell me you didn’t mean it, said Jared.
“I don’t think it’s you,” Kami told him. “I don’t believe that, but—” She didn’t want to be the girl who just believed in the guy she liked, no matter what extenuating mind-reading circumstances existed. She didn’t want her feelings to blind her. She didn’t want anything to blind her. She did not know what her feelings were, or what his were, or how to separate the two. She did not want to drown in what was between them and lose control, or lose who she was.
Thinking about this objectively, things looked very bad for Jared. He was the one who hadn’t known how sorcery worked, the one who got furiously angry and wanted to take it out on the world. He had admitted to seeing those knives, admitted that he had killed his father. He had been the sorcerer who was furious with her the night she was thrown down a well. She didn’t know when they had last been completely open with each other. Maybe they never had been.
“Fine,” Jared said explosively, and Kami realized how much she had let slip in her distress. He took one step toward her. Kami had to tilt her chin to look up into his face. She could feel the warmth and tension of his body.
“Are you scared of me?” Jared whispered.
Kami whispered back: “I’ve never been as scared of anyone as I am of you.” She shivered, but the fear felt almost familiar. After all, she had been alone in the dark with him her whole life. Nobody could hurt her like he could.
“Take down your walls,” Jared said, his voice low and urgent. “I’ll take down all of mine.” He lifted a hand, fingers curled a fraction of an inch from her cheek.
Kami almost turned her face into his palm, but instead she held still and waited to see if he would touch her on his own.
“Kami,” Jared said. His voice was soft: she barely recognized it, and she realized this was what he sounded like when he was begging. “You are the only thing in the world that matters. You can trust me. Please.”
He did not touch her. She did not take down her walls.
His fury hit her like a blast of heat, strong enough to make her take a step back.
“I’m sorry,” Kami told him. “I can’t.”
“Fine,” Jared said. He didn’t linger, didn’t look at her again, just turned away and left her standing in darkness with his rage burning in her mind.
Kami tried to call Angela again that night, but she only got her voicemail. She tried the house, and when Rusty answered she hung up.
She woke up the next morning, the dawn light brushing the treetops outside her window with silver, more luminescence than real light. She could feel Jared’s unhappiness, even in his sleep. Kami picked up her phone.
Ten minutes later, she threw on a gray woolen dress and her winter coat. She ran out of her house and uphill through the fields that stretched away from the woods. The world was cold in the morning time, autumn drawing to a close. When Kami jumped a stile, the grass crunched,
stiff with frost.
She had to trust someone.
The fields glittered as she crossed them and the sun rose higher in the sky. The morning light was still so pale that for a moment the farmhouse looked wrapped in mist. The door of the house swung open. Holly came out as Kami hesitated at the last fence. Holly’s hair was sleep-rumpled, and she looked tired and apprehensive. Kami knew the feeling.
“Hi,” said Holly faintly, and came down to the fence to meet her, shrugging on her fleece-lined jacket.
Kami glanced up into Holly’s face and took a chance. “I like you,” she blurted out. Holly flinched. “I know we haven’t been friends very long,” Kami continued, looking at the frosty fields. “And I know you were maybe trying to be friends for a while before, and I didn’t realize, and I’m sorry about that. I was being dumb. But I think you’re great, and I’m glad we’re friends now.” Kami took a deep breath so she could start explaining that she had suspected Holly for a moment.
Holly spoke. “Really?” she asked, and her voice was trembling. “I’m really your friend?”
“Holly, of course.”
“You’re not just putting up with me because Angela likes me?” Holly said.
“What are you talking about? Why would I do that? Angela likes a lot of stuff I don’t like. Angela likes documentaries about deadly spiders and having eighteen hours of sleep a day. I’m pretty comfortable with not liking everything Angela likes.”
Holly gave a small laugh, which made a brief frosty cloud shape in the air between them. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”
Kami reached out and put her hand on Holly’s where it lay on the fence. Holly turned her hand under Kami’s and linked their fingers, holding on tight. “Can you do magic?” Kami asked.
Holly blinked.
“Can Angela do magic?” Kami asked. “You said that you weren’t interested in where she was or what she did, and Rusty said he didn’t want to tell any of Angela’s secrets. I feel like I can’t trust anybody. I wrote down a list of suspects and it was the whole town. Anyone could have magic, anyone could be trying to hurt us, but I have to be able to trust my friends. Will you please tell me what’s going on?”
