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A man could only endure so much before reaching his breaking point, and I was there, teetering on its threshold. I badly fought the impulse to simply haul her pliant frame against the door and taste the exquisiteness in between her thighs. She’d welcome it, too. Her blatant advances had placed me in this present conundrum. If I were less of a man, I’d have had her writhing under me with the full length of my cock sheathed in her honeyed slickness on our weddingnight.
But I didn’t have the wherewithal to breach lunacy yet. However, I’d been hovering about it, tempting fate, provoking the idea of “what ifs.” Still, I knew, no matter how I rationalized it, I couldn’t go on knowing she’d eventually fall for me. And she would fall. Hard. She was the kind who loved with her all, and with the way she had been longingly gazing at me with bright stars in her eyes, how could I fathom telling her that I had no love left togiveher?
I left women for this very reason. The moment they got attached, I knew I had to set them free. Every man had a sneaking suspicion when a woman was on the verge of falling in love. One could instantly see the change. The light in their eyes shifted each time they looked at you. They donned the look of amazement, as if you were the only thing they saw, the sole reason for theirexistence.
And if it were up to me, I’d prefer one partner for a lifetime. But such notions couldn’t be granted. Not when women were highly emotional beings and most especially when my heart wasn’t available for any woman, for that matter. So how could a man keep a sexual partner, knowing the other tortured herself with secret hankerings of love? Therefore, I let them go. Saving them from the eviscerating privation that a shattered heart entailed. If I couldn’t reciprocate such love and devotion, what right did I have to keep it? A cock-thinking bastard wouldn’t think twice, though. If sex was so damn incredible, why let it go,right?
It was the right thing to do…as was freeing Gisele of me. She mightn’t realize it now, but this was for her own good. She deserved the best. Sadly, the best didn’t have my name writtenonit.
Gisele had gotten used to us sharing a bed. In those five nights, she’d thrown out her inhibitions and begun to sleep naked. She became emboldened, trying to seduce me at any opportunity. But after last night—after she rolled on top of my body, straddling my hips and almost succeeding in pulling out my dick out so she could sheath me with her pussy—I was left with no choice but to withdraw my presence in her life. Once I’d gotten everything under control again, I’d move back in. Not in her bedroom, either, but to my very own room. But for the time being, distancing myself wascrucial.
It was arduous to hold a steady gaze without revealing my guilt, so I dragged my eyes away from her stunning beauty, steeling myself to mydecision.
“I have to fly out to Seattle for a day,” I managed to say as I briskly stepped into the bedroom straight into the closet. Gisele calmly trailed behind me. Her luring scent lingered in the spacious walk-in closet. It engulfed my senses, deliberately threatening to test my resolve. “Isn’t today your first day? Don’t you have a class to rush to?” I had intended to make small talk, but my words came outaccusatory.
Gisele stepped before me, halting us in the middle of the enclosed space. Inquisitive gray eyes scanned my face, scrutinizing. “Something’s wrong,” she stated crisply. Her brows knitted together while she waited for me to offer an explanation. But when I stayed mum, her hand reached out to touch my face, analyzing. “What is it,Jared?”
Her tenderness made me inwardly flinch. She deserved better, and yet, hesitation tested me. Gray eyes sought my unforgiving blue ones, threatening to break the dense barriers I had shielded myself with, established the moment my life had been shattered tonothingness.
And for the very first time in almost a decade, I felt my heart tighten. The once pronounced dead heartconstricted.
There it is again, I loathingly noted. As if to prove a point. As if to remind me Gisele Weber affected me more than I dared conceive. She brought a pulse, breathing life into it once more. Like an essence of life, she revitalized the broken pieces ofmysoul.
The unfamiliar palpitation made me instantly reject it. Not only was I flabbergasted at this, but also, to see Gisele’s contorted facewhilegrasping what was happening to me simultaneously, it was overwhelmingly frightening. Being bombarded with such unwelcome emotions left a sour taste on mytongue.
Fuck. What was happening to me? Was my guilt so shameful that my mind began to hallucinate nonexistent, unwarranted feelings? I mean, why else would my heart react so violently? This was the only rationalization I was willing to consider. The rest was absoluterubbish.
Bloody hell. What had I gottenmyselfinto?
Less than a month married and I was waving the white flag. I had underestimated Gisele. More importantly, I had miscalculated the chemistry brewing between us. It was highly charged, palpable, heady to one’ssenses.
Rubbing my temple, I scanned the closet, seeming as though I was engrossed in wondering what to pack, but it was the last thing on my mind. Gisele’s eyes lingered on me as she steadily situated herself on the circular black ottoman that sat in the middle of the expansivecloset.
Do it now,you shamelessbastard.
I groaned before I cocked my head to the side and took a deep breath. My entire body tensed as I silently rehearsed the words inmymind.
“Gisele…” I began to say, slowly meeting her tumultuous eyes. “I’ve thought this through and concluded this is the best course to take.” As the words monotonously drawled out of my lips, my unwavering gaze steadied on her confused one. “This thing between us, it can’t go on anymore. Not only is it wrong, but also, I have Rose to think about. Therefore, I’m temporarily moving out to give us both space and to keep things in perspective between us.” Rose…what the bloody fuck did I say that for? Too late to retract the devious excuse. The words had already beenspoken.
She cast her eyes downwards, immediately hiding her emotions. Her cheeks reddened, and I wasn’t sure if it was from anger or mortification. I was guessing the former. Gisele wouldn’t take this lightly. The siren had a temper, even though she kept it incheck.
As a result, when those tempestuous eyes lifted to connect with mine, it scorched myinsides.
“Whose perspective,yoursormine? Because I can tell you now, Jared St. James, I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone in my life. Life’s been crazy, and the only time it isn’t…It’s when I’m in your arms. I need you. Desperately. So, don’t take this away from me, too…It’s the only thing keeping me sane. Please, don’tleave.”
Please.
One word and it was threatening everything I stood for. Bloody hell. Why must she be so…so every goddamn thing that was all sorts of bad for me? There was a reason I kept her at arm’s length for years. In this very instant, I was being reminded why. Gisele Weber had the gift to make me doubt myself, and being the man I prided myself to be, it rocked my perfectly stable, work-driven,uncomplicatedlife.
There was a decision to be made—be her pillar of strength or save myself from damnation. Planting a firm hand on my hip, my brows furrowed while being contemplative. Find a new course or retreat, my mind perpetuallydeliberated.
I caught sight of her soft bottom lip trembling as she hopelessly regarded me. It gutted my insides to see herinpain.
Overawed with consuming guilt, I quickly rushed to her side, situating myself next to her on the ottoman. Shifting her body so we faced one another, I was momentarily overwhelmed with a need topacifyher.
“Gisele…”Don’t cry. I won’t be able to take it.My body having a mind of its own, it instinctively took hold of her soft hand, drawing it to my lips. The feel of her skin against my lips jolted my body to life. Captivated by the sensation she affected me with, I kept it there. My lips pressed, faintly brushing against her skin, kissing her palm, trailing onto herwrist.
“I warned you, didn’t I?” A pained smile crossed her pink lips. “That night, I said it…but you didn’tlisten.”
