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He dips his head. ‘Perhaps. But at least I live my life my way, like the song.’
‘So do I.’
To which he laughs. A mirthless laugh.
‘Say what you want. You’re getting very close to discovering that you have the power to change your life, without ever having to ask anyone for permission. And yet, you don’t have the guts to jump. To get on with your own life.’
‘Like you?’ I blurt.
He looks over at me. ‘Me? Emmie, I’m a completely different animal to you. I don’t crave for anything that everyone else wants.’
‘What do you crave for, then?’
He thinks about it. ‘Nothing. Just… oblivion.’
‘Is that why you drink?’
He shrugs. ‘It helps, but not as much as you’d think, because the minute I wake, nothing’s changed.’ He grins. ‘But I do enjoy the trying part.’
He truly is an original creature, Jago Moon, in such a strange, twisted way. He’s soulful when you least expect him to be and yet you wouldn’t consider him anywhere near shallow. He has that air about him of the damned and dejected, and yet when he looks into your eyes, you know that there’s so much more there behind the sadness. An entire parallel world of unspoken thoughts and hidden emotions and…
Suddenly, like giant balloons, Nettie’s words flash through my mind:Sooner or later, everyone falls for him at their own cost…
‘And what do you do, to keep from falling apart?’ he asks, interrupting my epiphany.
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Don’t you?’
I watch in stupor as he leans in close enough to touch me, his eyes reaching inside mine as if to pull up the blinds that hide my most naked self. This realisation that has just struck me is at the same time fascinating and terrifying. I’m not used to feeling like this. Ican’tbe feeling like this!
‘You do realise that acting like one of those introspective and tormented heroes from the twentieth century while at the same time pretending to understand women isn’t going to solve your issues,’ I comment, hoping to get the focus off my own newfound weakness.
His smirk widens. ‘Then we’re making progress. I’m pleased you see me as a hero of sorts. Not many do around here.’
‘I don’t wonder at it,’ I bite off like a drowning man grabbing a lifeline, ‘seeing the reputation you have.’
‘My reputation? What about you? You’re exactly like one of those lost little girls who have never taken their nose out of a book, who don’t know left from right. Who want everything – adventure, excitement, breaking the rules and all – but are too afraid even to poke their nose out of their own front door.’
I shake my head. ‘From what you’re saying, I think you need to read some more modern books. The days ofMadame Bovaryare over. Women today, like it or not, have the power of their own freedom and their own minds.’
He laughs as if he knew some magic secret that I didn’t.
‘Oh, I’m all for female empowerment,’ he assures.
‘You are?’
‘Hell, yes. But you? Are you in charge of your own life? Does your boyfriend know that he’s not the boss of you? Have you actually told him that you don’t love him anymore? Have you actually called it off?’
‘I…’
‘Of course you haven’t. You don’t have the balls to reach out of your own comfort zone and maybe, God forbid, live a little and actually be happy.’
Who is he to talk? He’s a recluse with a million demons of his own.
‘I’ll be fine,’ I lie.
He shakes his head in what seems a gesture of pity.
