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10
The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath
About an hour later, as I’m huddled in my duvet on the sofa, trying to dispel the chill inside me, Stephen finally comes over, loaded with ‘forgive me’ flowers and food.
‘Hi,’ he says, eyeing me.
Whether it’s to detect my emotional state or simply my mood regarding his absence is a conundrum of its own. As easy as Stephen is to read, sometimes I find it’s best not to.
I nod out of mere courtesy. I thought I was going to rush into his arms, but now I find that I don’t even want him in my flat. The nerve, to completely ignore what happened to me. I could havedied.
‘Oh, gosh,’ he says when he spots my purple throat. ‘Are you OK?’
‘I am now,’ I snap. ‘He fled when a group of people came around the corner and scared him off.’
‘What did he want? Money?’
‘Does it matter? He certainly didn’t want to buy me dinner,’ I snap as I wrap myself up further in my duvet, avoiding any eye contact.
He sighs. ‘Look, I’m sorry. Maisie already chewed me out for not coming. I honestly thought—’
‘You thought what? That I was exaggerating when I said a man had jumped me from behind?’
He lowers his head. ‘Yes. I’m sorry.’
‘What the hell made you think that I wasn’t serious?’
‘I just thought that you were doing it to attract my attention, is all.’
‘Attract your attention? I can see you’ve spoken to your mother.’
‘I left my phone at home, is all.’
‘You could have found another way to call me to say goodnight.’
‘I finished late and until the call I knew you were out having fun.’
‘Not so much, as it turned out.’
‘Is it my fault you were attacked?’
‘If you’d come to the party, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.’
He groans. ‘Emmie, you know I’m a busy man.’
‘I was attacked, Stephen!’
‘But I didn’t realise it was that serious.’
‘Because you believed your mum rather than Maisie! Didn’t you see all of her calls? Didn’t you think that something was wrong? What the hell is wrong with you? What am I supposed to do to get your attention?’
‘Look, I really am sorry.’
‘Forget it. Just go home and leave me alone. I need to catch up on my sleep.’
He hesitates. ‘I can stay. Watch over you.’
Too little, too late.‘I’m fine, Stephen. Go home. I’ll see you at school.’
