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‘What was I supposed to say to that?’ I ask Maisie over the landline that evening, seeing that I’d thrown my SIM card into the sea. ‘No one wants to give me any info apart from the fact that he’s bad for me. Why does everyone assume I have any interest in Jago besides him being my new partner?’
‘Whoa! Slow down,’ Maisie laughs. ‘Why are you getting so hot under the collar?’
I groan. ‘Because I’m frustrated. I want to know who I’m dealing with so I can understand what to do with this business, but I can’t seem to get anywhere with anyone.’
‘Here’s a thought, Emmie. If you’re so intrigued by all the mystery, why don’t you ask him directly?’
‘What? You mean Jago? I can’t do that!’ At least, not again, seeing as he’d skirted my question the first time.
‘Of course you can. It’s done all the time between business partners. It’s called getting to know each other.’
‘You laugh, Maisie, but I—’
‘Emmie? Can we finally have that chat now? The one where you finally admit that you’re unhappy and I tell you I’ll be there for you?’
I bite my lip. Here we go…
‘You’re attracted to Jago Moon. You’d easily call off your engagement to Stephen, but you feel bad about it because you have a heart of gold and would never hurt anyone.’
‘Er…’
‘That’s your only worry, because deep down you know you’ll be fine without him. You can always find a job in another school.’
This woman knows me better than I do.
‘But that’s the thing, Maisie. It’s not just the difficulties with Stephen. It’s my life in London. Apart from you, there’s nothing keeping me there. I just wake up bloody miserable even at the thought of having to go into work.’
She sighs. ‘I know, Emmie, I know. And if you want to leave Stephen, I’m with you all the way. There’s still time left. Well, sort of. The engagement isn’t for quite a few days. I’ll back you up. But to move to Cornwall? How do you know that you’ll be happy there?’
‘Oh, I will be,’ I assure.
‘So, does that mean that you really are going to leave Stephen?’
‘I… guess so,’ I reply.
Who am I kidding? Iknowso. Because even if I offered him the choice to move down here with me, he’d say I was mad. But I’m already going mad. This countdown to the party… I’ve been dreading it as a countdown to the end of my freedom. When did I start feeling chained to him? When did I start feeling more oppressed than protected? And is it simply the distance that is making me see things more clearly than ever before? There are so many questions and emotions whizzing around in my mind. I don’t know what’s right or what’s wrong right now. But I do know that I can’t get engaged to Stephen now.
I have to think about what I want, too, and with Stephen, there’s no room for me. I’m the afterthought. The appendix that never quite fits into his life. I won’t settle for second or even third best. Because I come after his mother and his job. He’s proven it to me time and again. Never, not once for the sake of argument, put me first. We always had to do things his way. Or Audrey’s, lest she had a sulk.
We always had to live where she wanted, eat what she wanted, wear what she wanted. We even had to get engaged where and when she wanted. And the last straw… my attack. When he didn’t come, he broke my heart. He cut the last thinning thread binding me to him. He cut it loose. And now I can’t go back. I don’t want to. I know that now. All I have to do now is tell him.
‘Will you do me a favour?’ Maisie asks.
‘Of course.’
‘Don’t make any decisions based on a man. Jago Moon might not be the one you hope he is.’
I laugh. ‘OK, first of all, you’re absolutely mad if you think Jago has anything to do with any of this. Even if you were the one badgering me to sleep with him.’
‘Sleep, yes. Love? No. Emmie, you know my opinion about men.’
‘But what about El Paso? You really liked him.’
She sighs. ‘I did. I do.’
‘So then why don’t you give him a call?’
