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I clear my throat. ‘That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Stephen. I’m not coming back and there is not going to be an engagement party because there is not going to be a wedding.’
‘Why the hell are you doing this to me, now, only a few days before?’
‘I know, I should have told you earlier, you’re absolutely right. And I hate having to do this over the phone, but you weren’t interested in coming to see me, so—’
‘May I remind you that you were the one who needed time from me?’
‘Maybe it should have been clear to me then, but I was just—’
‘What, Emmie? You were psyching yourself up to become my wife?’
‘No, Stephen, please don’t take it that way.’
‘You’re dumping me over the goddamn phone, and just a few days before our engagement party! How do you expect me to take it, exactly?’
‘Not well, of course. I’m sorry – you’re absolutely right. I’ll come up and apologise to you and your people in person.’
‘And do you really think they’ll want to see you after I tell them?’
‘I guess not. I’m sorry. I can’t seem to win either way. If I don’t face everyone, I’m a coward, but if I do, I won’t be welcome. Why don’t we just call it a day and peg it down to a narrow escape from a huge mistake, then?’
‘A narrow escape? You’re leaving me practically at the altar and you call it a narrow escape?’
‘I’m not leaving you at the altar, Stephen. Come on – it’s months away. You can tell everyone you left me, if it makes you feel better.’
‘No, it won’t, but thanks for the offer,’ he snaps.
What did I expect? Forgiveness and forever friendship? Perhaps not, but what I didn’t expect was to feel this sad. And… empty. For months I’d been feeling less and less involved, less convinced of my decision to marry Stephen until I could no longer deny it to myself. When had I stopped loving him? And why had he not even asked me that same question? Was it not one of the first things you asked when your significant other ends the relationship? And on my part, it simply isn’t wise to go ahead with such a huge decision, when everything inside me is screaming for it not to go ahead. But still, even if I know I’m doing the right thing, it’s not easy.
And I know my new life is going to have a rough start, with a grandmother who barely tolerates me in the memory of her husband, no business of my own as of yet, no real home if you don’t count the crumbling cottage. And no one to share my dreams with. It serves me right for being what I call brave. And now comes the hardest part – following up on the great act of courage, because after the brave gesture, anything can happen now.
‘I’ll pay for the cancellations,’ I offer.
A flicker of panic makes his voice rise.
‘So you really are doing this. You’re really leaving me…’
‘I’m sorry, Stephen, but you know it isn’t working out. It hasn’t been for months now.’
‘Nonsense,’ he snaps, then reverses. ‘We’re just going through a rough patch.’
‘A rough patch is temporary. You’ve been like this for most of our time together.’
‘But you can’t leave me – what am I supposed to tell everybody?’
‘Is that really what’s bothering you?’
‘You’re being silly, Emmie. You know we’d be perfect together.’
‘No, we wouldn’t. For once, your mum was right.’
‘My mum adores you…’
‘Ha! You know damn well that she hated me from the moment she laid eyes on me. I’m not good enough for her precious son.’
‘Don’t be like this, Emmie. Yes, my mum’s a bit of a snob, but who cares? I chose you.’
‘You could have fooled me!’
