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Chapter 26
Daniel should be excited about today, but he wasn’t. Working somewhere as prestigious as Highfields House was a dream come true, but right now it didn’t feel that way.
He was driving up the motorway, carrying with him a deep sadness in his heart and an ache in his soul that he hadn’t been able to shift since Sunday, and which he guessed wasn’t going to go away any time soon, even if Mr John offered him the job. Because his heart and head were trapped in the events of two days ago when he’d told Seren it was all over between them, and he’d had to watch her heart breaking in front of him and hear the anguish in her voice as she pleaded for him to give their love a chance.
When she’d accused him of never having had any feelings for her, he’d nearly given in to the pain in his own heart and begged her to forgive him for hurting her.
He loved her. Nothing was going to alter that. But he couldn’t be with her, not when she’d kept such a vital piece of information from him.
The satnav informed him robotically that he should leave the motorway at the next junction, so he moved into the inside lane, his foot wavering on the pedal until he realised he was slowing down prematurely, so he sped up again.
His reluctance was telling. He didn’t want to go for this interview. He didn’t want the job, even though he would have given his right arm for a chance at it not so long ago.
Today it was as though all enthusiasm for life had been sucked out of him, leaving only empty despair, and it was his own fault.
For the past thirty-five hours and seventeen minutes, the only thing on his mind had been Seren and the way he’d treated her.
It was unforgivable.
He’d hardly slept for thinking about her. He’d not eaten more than a single piece of toast, and he’d had to force that down, and he’d never felt so miserable in his life.
He was missing her, goddammit. More than he’d thought possible. His arms ached to hold her, his lips yearned for her kiss, and his eyes burned to see her.
What a mess he’d made of it, and all because he’d allowed his bad experience with Gina to influence him. Seren was nothing like Gina, and the more he thought about it (and he’d done nothingbutthink about it), the less he was able to blame Seren for being cautious when it came to her daughter and a new boyfriend. The most significant thing was that she’d finally been about to tell him that she had a child, but he’d got in with what he wanted to say before she’d had a chance. He’d been so focused on his stupid vow to never again go out with a woman who had children, that he’d let it blind him.
He was in love with her, and he didn’t care whether she had ten kids or none. It was Seren he wanted, and if that meant accepting her daughter and loving the child like he would his own, then so be it.
But he’d blown it.
There was no going back. Whether he was offered this job or not, how, in all conscience, could he go crawling back to Seren with his tail between his legs after the way he’d behaved? He’d let her believe this job was more important to him than she was, and he could hardly come clean and admit he’d dumped her because she had a child. If she didn’t already hate him, she soon would when she knew what a jerk he was.
Which led Daniel right back to why he was on the way to an interview for a job he was fairly sure he didn’t want. Putting Seren aside (yeah, he’d done that all right), even though this might be a dream job, he’d been his own boss for so long that he honestly didn’t know whether he would be able to work under anyone again. Mr John had informed him on the phone that he’d be one of three other gardeners, plus there was an army of volunteers. He’d be one of many, being told what to do and when. No autonomy. No captain of his own ship.
If Highfields House was closer to home and he was the sole gardener, he’d jump at the chance, but as things stood…
Feeling even more of a heel because he knew he’d be going into this interview with no intention of taking the job should he be offered it and was therefore wasting everyone’s time, as soon as he was off the motorway he found a suitable place to pull over.
‘Hello, is that Mr John? It’s Daniel Oakland here. Sorry to mess you about, but I’ve changed my mind about the interview. I was halfway to Highfields when I realised it’s not for me.’
‘Well, now, that is a pity. Miss Carruthers gave you a glowing recommendation.’
‘I know, and I feel rather awful about it, but I don’t want to waste your time. Maybe I’ll pay a visit to your garden another time? I’d love to see it.’
‘It’s almost eleven o’clock. When you say you’re halfway here, where exactly are you?’
‘Um…’ Daniel checked his satnav. ‘About five minutes away.’
‘Why don’t you come now, and take a look. You’ve driven all this way, so it seems a shame to drive all the way back without having a tour of the garden.’
‘That would be lovely! Thank you.’
What a nice chap, Daniel thought as he headed towards Highfields, feeling a little better about things. This was one thing he hadn’t made a hash of, and although he fully expected Miss Carruthers to phone him and give him a piece of her mind, he’d take it on the chin. Mrs Williams would probably give him what for as well, but her bark had always been worse than her bite and once he explained how he felt, he knew she’d come round. Besides, what would she do without him to do her gardening for her? He chuckled out loud as he thought of her having to get her own hands dirty by doing her own weeding, and the sound surprised him. He was still feeling incredibly low, but not as bad as he’d felt when he’d set off this morning.
If only he could put things right with Seren… But that wasn’t going to happen, so he tried not to think about her for the next two hours. Having a guided tour of Highfields by the head gardener was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and he didn’t want to waste it.
Despite his best intentions and although he found the gardens amazing and Mr John incredibly informative, Daniel could feel Seren’s presence in the back of his mind and he knew it would be a very long time indeed before he got over her.
If he got over her at all.
