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The next message alarmed her so much that her heart thumped and her face flushed. It was from Bryony Blackwell, sent two days ago.
Please confirm co-ords. Radio contact lost with Dagalien. Other shipping sightings: Penzance harbour; Lamorna Cove; Longships; Cape Cornwall; Godrevy; last seen off Boscastle, Dec 17th. All stations alerted 19thDecember 8pm.
A second message from Bryony showed as being sent from a different phone.
Please just ring me, Alex. We heard about Ben and Eve. In fact, he ran down the quay after you with no shoes on. If you’re licking your wounds just let me know. They’re planning a search, launching Christmas Eve, if no further sightings.
So shehadbeen spotted on her mad dash north, lots of times. How could she have been so conceited to think a missing boat wouldn’t cause a commotion? It had been a few days between the last sighting of theDagalienand the storm that sent her into Clove Lore, so chances were that nobody knew she was there, and there was no harbourmaster in the village to record her arrival and tip Bryony off.
Alex tapped out a reply, the sickly sense of panic and shame still stealing her breath away.
I’m fine. No search needed. Tell Ben’s parents as well. I’m so sorry. Please don’t worry, Alex.
She sent the message into the ether and scrolled on, feeling wicked and selfish for worrying everyone. Everyone except Ben, maybe.
I understand you wanting to get away but if you’d just ring me I can explain. I miss you so much! Please say you’re all right. I miss you. I love you. Ben, x
There were a further three from him, all sounding increasingly desperate. One said he knew he’d hurt her but they could sort it out, he was sure of it. A second told her it wasn’t fair leaving Lizzo Johnstone to run the only other Port Kernou ferry all by herself (that had only made Alex swear), and there was a third and final plea that she come home for Christmas, telling her his mum and dad were frantic. Alex held back guilty tears at this.
The message to Bryony would quickly put a stop to all the worry. She’d have received it by now and would be relaying it to everyone in Port Kernou. There’d be no need for the Christmas Eve search. The thought of wasting resources pained her. Thank God they hadn’t started a search yet. Alex understood the cost of each lifeboat launch, and the risks too.
Ugh!She’d been thinking only of herself while a whole village – well, maybe not a whole village, but a handful of people – were wondering where she was. There’d be plenty gossip too.
She pictured the barflies at the pub saying how she’d caught Ben at it with the new girl from the post office and run off, furious and mad. She knew how these things went and somehow she’d be the crazy woman in all of this.
There was another message from Ben’s mum, begging her not to let her boy’s ‘silly mistake’ keep her away from ‘her family’. That was the last message, sent yesterday.
It struck her now, how few people had her mobile number, and how small her life had shrunk. Something deep within her cruelly told her that if she kept scrolling there’d be a message from her father telling her that he loved her and advising her what to do. This was of course impossible and ridiculous. Alex sobbed over her phone, worrying how detached from reality she had become, how selfish and stupid she’d been.
The last of the notifications cluttered the screen. She had voice messages. Eight of them were from Ben, all saying the same thing as his texts. Her heart only hardened, hearing his voice. What right did he have to cry like that? Finally, there was a message she was not expecting.
‘Lex, it’s me.’
She gasped at the sound of her friend’s voice. It was Eve, obviously nervous.
‘I know you don’t want to hear from me but please, just listen. The whole thing was my fault. I’d had another fight with Maxwell and come round to see if you were home for lunch. I was upset and you know how lonely I get and it just sort of happened. We barely had time to think and then you were there and… I swear we didn’t do anything. He was in pieces, ran straight out the house after you, but you were gone. I haven’t seen him since, I swear, but everyone knows he’s distraught. He’s been sitting by your mooring waiting for you. Me, Maxwell and Stevie are leaving. So if it’s me stopping you coming home then you don’t have to worry. I’ve put in my notice at the post office and we’re going back to Maxwell’s mum’s at Truro. We’re going to try starting over again,again.So, Lex, come home. Ben’s waiting for you and it’s Christmas and… I’m just so sorry.’ She sighed shakily and the message ended.
Alex hit delete.
‘Itjust sort of happened?’ Alex said through gritted teeth. ‘Theybarely had time to think?’ Alex threw her phone on the bed and spat a long string of expletives into her pillow, making sure Jowan wouldn’t hear.
Her tears turned to the hot angry kind, mixed in with searing shame and guilt at all the trouble her disappearance had caused. At least now she’d fixed that. Bryony would have put out a call to all shipping and she’d be forgotten about, like all those castaways and runaways who disappear over the horizon in all the old books are eventually forgotten, and life goes on without them.
After a long time crying into the pillow, she lay on her side and let the tiredness come for her. The last clear thoughts she had were accompanied by an image of Ben sitting on the mooring post on the quayside watching for her. Could that be true? Or was Eve making it all up like she’d bemoaned her poor husband and his neglectful ways? How much of that had been true? It sounded very much like she’d cheated on him before, and thatshewas the problem with that marriage. Then finally, she thought of Eve and Maxwell’s little boy, Stevie, only four and a half and so tiny for his age, and so very pale and quiet. What on earth had that poor lad lived through, shunted from pillar to post, moving house every time his mum messed up again?
Eve would never be happy wherever she went and the thought of her little family trailing after her galled Alex even more.
How on earth could Ben have thrown himself at her when he too had met their little boy umpteen times? There was even a box of Lego under her Christmas tree for him back in Port Kernou. He could cheat on Alex in the heat of the moment, sure, but he’d been able to forget about that kid and Eve’s husband too, willing to cast them gleefully aside along with his shirt.
Alex sank into a heavy sleep, more determined than ever to stay away from the whole embarrassing, awful affair. At least now she didn’t have to worry about the village looking for her.
If she’d been calmer and less tired, she might have checked her phone once more before switching it off that night.
She might have seen her message to the Port Kernou harbour mistress bouncing back undelivered.
Unaware, Alex slept and dreamed of spending a whole day in a peaceful little bookshop café, the very idea of which felt very much like the excitement of a near kiss with a handsome man, the anaesthetising magic of champagne bubbles, and the thrill of Christmas coming, all rolled into one.
