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“You want an outdoor ceremony, on the lawn in the sunshine. You and your girls in gorgeous dresses. The guys in matching tuxes. Everyone’s friends and family watching you declare your love for each other. Celebrating a moment no one else will ever have, because your love is yours and unique.”
It was a painfully beautiful description, and it refractured my heart. My brain wanted to put either Jax or Grayson across from me, and at the same time, theeither orof it all ached. “What if that’s not an option for me?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because three people can’t get married.” Saying it aloud released a cork on my fears. They had a shape now, which made them sound silly, and more terrifying all at the same time.
Lyn shook her head. “Not in the first scenario they can’t. The state’s not super flexible about that. But in the second, your dream wedding, why not?”
What about jealousy? And feeling left out? And everything that came with being a third wheel? “Because... It doesn’t work that way.” It was a weak answer, but it was all I had.
“Maybe not. But maybe it does.” Lyn hugged me. “Come downstairs. I’ll eat brownies if you will.”
Brownies weren’t a solution, but my thoughts were spinning in a different direction now. Looking at things from an angle I couldn’t see before, and chocolate sounded like a good way to help that along.
Chapter Nineteen
Talking to Lyn didn’thelp me sort my thoughts so much as it lodged ideas in my head that I’d dismissed before. Which meant my brain was more of a mess than ever.
I was going to adjust my plan for the future. The work part of it.
But none of the plan stood alone. Thinking about my career goals led back to thoughts of love, and I couldn’t see anyone but Jax and Grayson in that picture. The same old argument was there—it couldn’t work. I couldn’t share and be happy. But now I couldn’t imagine it working any other way, with any other guy, either.
It was jumping the gun to even take the thought that far. They wanted to see where things went, I was planning the rest of my life around the idea. Then again, that was the only way to look at it. Sure, I didn’t plan on marrying every guy I dated, but the possibility was there for each one.
And with them...
I couldn’t linger in that corner.
Telling myself to stop thinking about Jax and Grayson was like ordering someone not to think about an elephant. Completely counterproductive. “When did this all start?” I asked my empty room.
With the sexwas the easy answer. But they’d been thinking about it—about me in that way—before then, or Jax wouldn’t have made the proposal. I wouldn’t have accepted if the fantasies didn’t already exist.
With both of them, regardless of what I told myself.
“When did it all start to fall apart?” The walls weren’t going to give me answers, but asking the questions aloud helped me feel better. It dragged me out of my own head.
