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Chapter Three
After a quick clean-up of my own, and a touch-up to my makeup and hair to get rid of thatfreshly fuckedlook, I was on my way to Lyn’s.
I shouldn’t be irritated about Jax’s request. It wasn’t like I thought that one moment would lead to more. Their future involved the two of them, and mine pointed toward a Hollywood career with a doting husband, an amazing wedding, and the most perfect dress anyone had ever seen.
But I didn’t like the idea of being anyone’s dirty little secret. That stung. It hurt worse that Grayson put up so little argument, than Jax making the request in the first place.
I cracked the window in my ancient Subaru, to let the cold December air hit my hot face. I loved this time of year—yeah, I was a Basic girl. Uggs and Peppermint Mochas all the way. Most people expected me to love Halloween the most, but I dressed up year-round—bonus to being a cosplay queen. The only thing that made October different was everyone else did as well.
Some people said costumes were about pretending to be someone else for a night or two. In a way, I agreed. But it was more about embracing individuality. Not pretending I was someone else, but being me, in whatever package, job, and universe I chose. I loved to see people exploring that. Which was the reason I loved Christmas. For me, it was all about finding the perfect gift for each person.
The holiday lights were gorgeous too. I could wander for hours through a Christmas village, admiring the lights and losing myself in the cheery mood.
When I got settled in my new place, I had big plans for Christmas fun on my channel. Things like quick fun accessories and unique gifts for anime fans that anyone could make from supplies around the house. How to go from safe-for-work Christmas cheer to sexy-fun after with the same outfit. Grayson was even going to model the guys’ stuff for me.
Would he still agree? How much had our friendship changed? Not at all?
I didn’t believe that. Neither did they.We should keep this between us. Jax’s voice was back in my head, taunting me.
Growing up, Jax’s mother was sick a lot, which made him a semi-permanent fixture in our house. By the time I hit junior high, I’d decided I was going to marry him when we grew up. Which was how I got into sewing and then cosplay. The perfect wedding required the ultimate dress and I didn’t trust anyone else to make mine for me. Not that I’d ever told him any of that. Thank God.
I was certain our love was meant to be, and he’d figure it out sooner rather than later. I was such an idiot, but not in theI should have approached himsort of way. In high school things changed. I hit my junior year, and Jax got friendly. He’d always been nice, but this was different. He started flirting. I ate it up.
There were rumors he was going to ask me to the New Year’s dance. I was figuring out what kind of dress I was going to make. Satin. Blue to match my eyes. Gold ribbon and embroidery to match his.
Thinking about how naive I’d been clenched like a fist around my heart. Chase had stopped me before I spent an entire paycheck on fabric. He was so nice and sympathetic, and that didn’t make his words any easier to hear. Jax had been bragging—locker room talk—about how awesome he was. He’d convinced the girl in the tack outfits that he liked her.
Chase promised me he’d shut Jax down. Said no one could talk about his sister like that.
Jax hadn’t stopped flirting, though. Nausea churned in my gut at the reminder of him asking me to that dance. I’d told him, screamed in the middle of the school common area, that I wanted him to stop. I wouldn’t be his joke.
He did stop. Stopped talking to Chase or me. Stopped coming to the house. I still hurt over the entire thing. The day they graduated, heapologized.
I’m sorry. For whatever I did. I didn’t mean it.
It took a few years, but I’d forgiven him enough to be friendly with him. He and Chase made up sometime in college, and we all grew up and moved on. It had been a decade, and the way we got along now had allowed me to separate that moment from him.
