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I sighed. “You’re tired of hearing me say it, and I’m tired of saying it.”
“I’m scared.” His voice was so soft, I wasn’t sure I heard him right.
I wasn’t going to ruin the moment by asking him to repeat himself. I held my breath, not wanting to miss what came next.
“This is who I am,” Ramsey said.
“Not to me. Not to Hunter.”
“This is what I’ve worked for. It’s the thing I know. It’s how I make a difference in the world.”
“If you want to help, what you did in Vegas? That’s help. Not empty promises you may or may not be able to keep, but bringing funds and positive attention to places that need it.”
He shook his head. “But that’s not where I am right now.”
My shoulders slumped. Here we were again, in the same place as when we’d broken up. There was less yelling this time, and I was more willing to admit it was going to hurt like hell to lose Ramsey. But it had been a day, and I was already cracking. “What I told you in Vegas, that if you ask me to do this…”
“That it’s over for us.” He sounded resigned.
“And I know I made this choice. I’m here because I said I would be, and I’ll see things through with Hunter. But…” My throat ached. I didn’t want to reach for the next words. Thinking them, vocalizing them, would make them real.
Ramsey twisted on the mattress and placed a finger under my chin. “I love you.” Sincerity bled from his words.
And it almost tore my heart apart. Of course the bastard would pick now to say that. “I love you too.” So much. “But the life you live? I can’t. I can’t sign on for years or even months more of lies. Even when the wedding issue is fixed, there are still more. Will you keep pretending you’re single? Finally come out? Tell the world you’re with one of us and ask the other to hide? I can’t do that. Hunter deserves better that that. I don’t have a problem with you seeing both of us, but the secrets? I can’t be a part of that.”
“I’m not going to stop trying to make things right.”
I shook my head. “Only one thing makes this right.”
“There has to be a compromise, and I’m stubborn.” Ramsey dropped his hands to my hips and tugged me toward him.
I clenched my jaw. “You think now is the time for sex?”
“No. But let me hold you for a little while.”
I wanted to push him away, but I also wanted to climb into his lap and never leave. I leaned into him and pulled his arms around me. I wanted to cry, but the tears weren’t there. Why did this have to hurt so much?
Eighteen
Getting up early, so I could open the cafe, was the most familiar and normal thing I’d done in days. Stumbling bleary-eyed through unfamiliar rooms, and a shower… not so much.
My plan was simple. I’d be out of here and on my way to work before Hunter woke up, and I’d send him a text letting him know I’d be home late, which would happen even if I weren’t avoiding him. No need to for awkward conversation. For pretending I didn’t ache over my break-up with Ramsey last night.
The pit in Hunter’s eyes last night, when I told him why I’d rather eat somewhere they weren’t, had been bad enough.
I liked plans, and this one was straightforward.
Except I had to pass by the kitchen to get to the front door, and the light was already on.
“Coffee?” Hunter asked.
I steeled myself—now was a good time to practice for the rest of the day—and turned to find him leaning against the far kitchen counter, next to the coffee maker. “I’ll grab coffee at work.” My tone was light and pleasant.
“You doing okay?” he asked.
“I’m good.” I was so, so not good.
“No. Really. How are you?”
