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I learneda long time ago how to turn off my brain while I was swimming or otherwise working out, so it was an easy decision for me to head straight for the pool after I left Daria’s. If I stopped to think, I’d dwell on last night. I couldn’t do that.
With my camera set up in its normal place, I dove into my personal time trials. I pushed until my body ached and my muscles screamed. I was so close to hitting my mark. Less than a second away. But my body wasn’t having it anymore; I needed to call it a morning.
I spent the next hour stretching, making sure I was careful with my shoulder, and doing all the exercises that became second-nature after physical therapy.
The instant I stopped, stripped, and stepped into the shower, my mind turned on again.
Last night was incredible—holy fuck, Daria blew my fantasies about her out of the water. She was an amazing combination of reserved and bold that made me want to unwrap her and explore her for hours. Again and again. Her body. Her mind.
I expected I’d discover something new every time.
I was glad no one else was in the locker room, to see my dick standing at attention in agreement. I dried off and dressed, clinging desperately to thoughts of Daria.
As I headed out to the parking lot, I lost my grip on the images of her, and Colin slammed in to take her place. I swore I could still feel his lips crushed to mine. The scruff of stubble burning my skin. The hunger in that connection. Enough that I’d been tempted to ask him for more than a kiss.
As I was walking out, John was coming in.
“Hold up.” I stopped him. “Do you have a minute?”
“Sure.”
“The building, are you selling it because of maintenance problems?” I wasn’t in the mood for subtext. Might as well ask him outright.
He stared back, shock on his face. “It does need work, yes. The other half hasn’t been open in a while and smells like chlorine. The HVAC over there needs work. But there’s nothing structurally wrong with it. No cracks in the foundation or anything like that.”
He sounded sincere, and usually I could read those things. Though, if I’d misread my feelings for Colin all these years—
Whoa, where did that come from?
“Cool. The bank was asking me some questions, so I’ll pass that along. Catch you around.” Either John was full of shit or Davenport had heard wrong. The second option seemed more likely, but John wasn’t going to tell meyeah, the place is falling apartif he wanted to sell.
I didn’t know what to think. About anything.
The library beckoned—a quiet place with no reminders or chances of running into my distractions.
Colin came out as bisexual when as we started high school. I hadn’t seen it coming; sometimes the obvious escaped me. I spent a lot of time wondering if maybe I was the same, bisexual or gay, and hadn’t realized that either. The pondering involved trying to imagine myself kissing other men. Kissing Colin. Asking Colin to help me experiment and figure it out.
One thing hadn’t escaped me though—Colin put up with a lot of teasing when he came out. I’d done everything I could to shut it down, and I never wanted him to think I was adding to it by sayinghey, make out with me to see if I like it.
Beyond that, I couldn’t picture myself with another guy, and Ireallyliked girls.
The easy answer was that I must be straight.
When I got settled into an isolated room in the library, I expected to lose myself in work, the way I had in my workout. I was looking up bankers and other contacts for loans, emailing, and hustling like crazy.
Sure I noticed when a man was attractive, but I couldn’t imagine myselfwiththem. Going back to Daria’s questions last night, even when I was fucking around, hooking up with the male athletes didn’t appeal to me.
It had a little bit to do with the fact that homosexuality wasn’t only barely becoming acceptable in athletic forums. An athlete never knew who might out them. But I hadn’t missed the experience, or been disappointed that I couldn’t have it.
But after last night…
Was the experience stuck in my head because it was new and amazing, or because I wanted more? From Colin? From someone else?
I tried for a few hours to get through my work. This would be so much easier if I knew anyone who worked with this kind of loan. True, contacts weren’t always necessary, but we were looking for a significant amount of money, and being able to drop a name or two would make a difference.
