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She laughed lightly. “That sounds perfect.”
It really did. And I saw a whole lot more perfect in our future—all three of us could take on the world if we had to, and if we didn’t, we’d still have each other.
And there really was no better word for that thanperfect.
THIRTY-TWO
DEACON
While Adam and Brandon talked,I was doing some last-minute work with Bryan on the main showroom floor, moving some items forward that I felt needed more eyes on them.
The conversation about the twins’ cribs stuck in my thoughts, attached to the past and refusing to budge.
“What did you do that made Mom push you out?” Bryan’s question came out of nowhere.
I didn’t want to have this conversation with him, or think about the answers myself. “Nothing.” From one perspective, that was true.
“If it had to do with me, with last Sunday, I’m sorry. I didn’t think that would be the big deal it became. I figured I’d tell Paige I was at a friend’s, I’d go take some time to think, and I’d be back before anyone questioned it.”
That was a messy day, and Brooke’s reminder lingered with me that her family wasn’t mine. But of course it wasn’t—the realization slammed into me. I’d made sure it was never an option. “It wasn’t your fault, it was mine.”
“You said you didn’t do anything.” Bryan stared me down.
“I never gave her a chance to reject me.” The words were meant more for me than him. “I made damn sure that wasn’t up to her.”
Bryan shifted his weight and jammed his hands in his pockets. “That’s messed up.”
“It really is.” I was making him uncomfortable. “Anyway, that’s that.” And it was up to me to fix that mistake. Because it was a massive mistake—pushing Brooke away. Adam. I didn’t know how I was going to make things right. “It was for my kids. The bedroom set.” Why did I say that?
Bryan looked surprised. “You have kids?”
“No.” I could keep this story simple. Free of emotion. “Years ago, just a little after you all moved to town, I was dating a girl who was pregnant. Twins.” I’d been so excited to have a family. “Turned out they weren’t mine, and she left me for their father.”
“Ouch.”
I had no idea where to go from here. I was spilling my secrets to a teenager. Why? I should tell him to get back to work and do the same. Maybe go see what Adam was up to.
“I barely remember my dad,” Bryan’s voice was quiet. “Some days I wonder if that makes me a bad person.”
“You weren’t very old when you lost him.”
“Old enough. Even though you didn’t get to raise those kids, you would’ve. You were there, ready and willing. That counts for a lot.”
I needed to change topics fast, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around a smooth transition. “You’re not a bad person. You’re doing so much for your family. It’s obvious you love them.”Stop now. This was the perfect place to wrap up this conversation.
“But I get it. I do.” Apparently I was still talking. “My dad walked out when I was five. Left me with his parents and never came back. I wondered for a long time if that was my fault, and the more time that passed, the more he faded from my mind, the more I blamed myself.”
And that, combined with the bad experience in my twenties,losingkids I’d looked forward to raising, made me pull away. At least I had the presence of mind to not share that revelation, but it knocked my mind off kilter regardless.
“You would’ve been a good dad,” Bryan said.
I didn’t know if he was just saying that, but it warmed me regardless. “Youarea good son.”
“So, I’ll check back with you tomorrow morning. Grand opening and all that. I need my rest.” Bryan’s words tumbled out in a rush.
What the hell?
I was even more confused when he hurried out the door. So much for that touching moment.
