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How was this supposed to work? She’d never felt so stuck in her entire life. Her parents had raised her to feel confident, to advocate for herself. The situation here took all of that away from her because everything needed to be such a secret.
She hated the way that the moment he entered the room, something inside her bloomed. She couldn’t help but stare at his lips, recalling their taste, the way that they felt when pressed against her own. She hated the way that his eyes took her in, the passion that she saw there. She hated how she had to hide behind a veneer of propriety when she felt like she was on fire with a burning desire that never felt satiated.
She considered tomorrow’s outing wretchedly as she wiped at her cheeks with her hands. She’d have to see Jasper with Leah, yet again. And she’d have to put on a jolly face. Right back where she’d started.
She got up off of the floor. There. She’d had her moment of weakness. Now that it was over, she could move forward. She would make sure to have a moment with him tomorrow, reassure him.
* * *
Jasper went straight home. He joined his mother in the parlor but found himself pacing in agitation. He excused himself, noting her concerned expression.
Alone, in his room, he could barely sit still. He was afraid to have hope. On the one hand, she might have been prevented by her uncle. However, it might also be that she’d changed her mind. He didn’t know if he could bear it if she had.
Finally, he sat in his armchair, staring into the flames. He got himself a clean glass and his decanter of bourbon, pouring himself a healthy serving. He took a long sip, swallowing. He exhaled, feeling the liquor burn his throat. He took another sip, feeling the alcohol hit his bloodstream.
What will I do if she’s changed her mind?
Ever since he met Selina, he’d felt like he was finally master of his own fate. That he’d escaped a loveless match. What a cruel twist of fate, if she’d suddenly fallen out of love with him.
Could she be so capricious? She was always so lighthearted with everyone. Why should he presume that she wasn’t also doing it with him? After all, she’d declared that she would only marry for love, and nothing less.
He would speak with her tomorrow. He would have her tell him all. He sipped his bourbon, his eyes on the flames in the grate. They danced as they crackled.
His mind wandered to what he would do when he finally got her alone. How he’d kiss her full, bee-stung lips. Place his hands on her slim waist as he held her close to him. Wrap his fingers in her golden hair. Bring her to his bed, make her utter his name, begging for more.
