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Chapter Twenty-Two
Ten agonizing minutes later, for Rose kept a close eye on the carriage clock that rested on the mantelpiece, the door to Dorian’s study opened and he stepped into the room. She felt slightly guilty about keeping him from his breakfast, but there were much larger issues to deal with.
“I took this from the dining room. You looked as though you might need it.” He passed her a still-warm pastry, wrapped in a silky napkin. He had another for himself, though he set it on the side-table as he stopped in front of her, visibly too anxious to sit down.
“Thank you,” she replied, grateful for the offering. Her stomach growled in anticipation as she took a hesitant bite.
He eyed her as he drummed his fingertips against the armrest. “Have you not slept? I do not know if it is uncouth to say so, but you do not look well, Rose.” He paused. “Are you sick because of the rain or the cold, or is it… this letter?”
“I suppose it is all of those things, My Lord. That and… not knowing if you want to cast me out of this house, or you never wish to look at me again.” She hastily brushed away a wayward tear that had escaped her duct.
He flinched. “Please, do not call me ‘My Lord.’ I do not care for it, from you. I wish to only be Dorian to you.”
“You see, this is what confuses me!” she protested, unable to control her inner hurt. “You want me to call you by your name and say you feel something for me, but then you tell me you’re dangerous, and that I shouldn’t be near you. I don’t understand it, not one bit. As far as I can tell, the only danger facing me is my father and his desire to drag me back to London, kicking and screaming if he has to.”
Dorian sat back in his armchair. “Was our excursion to Skelton Bay the first time you saw your father lurking at the estate?” He ignored the rest of what she had said, much to her chagrin.
She nodded. “It was. In fact, I thought he might’ve followed us there, and it was him who fired that shot that startled me. But then, as you said, there was no assailant to be seen, so I chose to dismiss the idea. I’m still fairly certain it was the sound of rocks breaking, but Idothink my father capable of underhand means, if I won’t obey the warning in his letter and leave you of my own accord.”
“Would you?” His voice whispered with a sudden sadness.
“What?”
He cleared his throat. “Would you leave this house?”
“Is that what you want me to do?” she fired back, trying to fight her tears. “You weren’t clear last night about how we’re going to proceed. Perhaps, it would be better for everyone if Ididleave. You wouldn’t have to worry about me causing you inner conflict, my father would get what he wants, and the staff could go back to gossiping about other things. Only I would suffer in that situation.”
“No,” he said softly. “That is not what I want. I… adore you, Rose. I have thought of nothing but you since I parted ways with you last night, and I have collected my thoughts, as I promised I would. I even had the intention of walking in the gardens later today, so that I might find you and apologize, and… plead for your forgiveness. I behaved improperly when I kissed you, but I behaved worse in the aftermath, leaving you with no explanation.”
“Do you mean to give me an explanation?” she prompted.
He shook his head. “I cannot, but… I can tell you how ardently I feel for you. I am… um… I am falling hopelessly in love with you, Rose, and there is nothing I can do to stop my heart from feeling as it does.” He sank to his knees before her and took her hands in his. “After a night of thinking, I have come to understand that I would go quite mad if I were to stay away from you or keep my emotions to myself. I have often thought myself a cursed individual, but you are the first person who has come into my world and alleviated that sense of doom.”
He is falling in love with me!She had not expected an outright confession, for he had skirted around the semantics of his emotions last night. If anything, she had expected further reasoning as to why they should not encounter one another anymore, under any circumstances. Yet, it appeared as though he had set his doubts and fears and guilt aside, so he could answer the call of his heart.
“That is why I must do all I can to protect you, and why you may rely upon me to keep you safe from harm,” he continued. “It may seem like a dichotomy, after what I told you last night about me being a danger to you, but seeing this letter has proven to me that you are better served with me at your side than with me keeping my distance.”
“I am falling in love with you, too!” Rose blurted out, not wanting to let the moment pass without showing her reciprocity. She gripped his hands tight, fearful of letting go. “Indeed, I think I started to fall in love with you when you saved me from the vagabonds in the alley, when I thought I was done for.”
His mouth opened in surprise. “You… really care for me like that?”
“I told you last night that I did. I certainly wouldn’t have kissed you back if I didn’t,” she replied shyly. “I want to be able to rely on you. I want to know you’re there, protecting me, and that’s why I felt so lost when you pulled away last night. I felt as though someone had pulled the rug from under me.”
He nodded slowly. “I cannot apologize enough for that. I did not know what to do, and I did not know how to proceed with the overwhelming affection that I had, and have, for you.” He traced a tender circle against her skin with his thumb. “I meant what I said about not wanting you to be in danger, but I did not know how to broach what I am about to say, in order to prevent that. At least, I did not then. Having seen this letter and heard your words of love, I know what I must do now.”
“And what is that?” Rose could hardly squeeze out the utterance. Her heart hammered in her chest, her stomach clenching with nerves, her mind running through every possible outcome.
“I want to… ask if you would do me the honor of becoming my wife,” he said, his eyes twinkling with hope.
She stared in disbelief. “I… I… I c-can’t do that, Dorian. That would be impossible! You are an Earl, and I am a laundry maid. It would cause an outrageous scandal!”
He gazed up into her eyes. “I detest gossip, but I would not hate it if it meant I could be with you for the rest of my days. It would also take away some of my fears for your safety, for if I love you, and I am wed to you, then I know you will not suffer as you might if I did not have you as my bride.”
“You would be an outcast from society,” she insisted, her heart desperate to say yes, her head telling her to say no.
He shrugged. “I am already an outcast. I do not care about propriety or station or society’s perspective of me. This is what I realized throughout the night, my mind filled with only you. I have never cared for society’s views, for all it has done is bring me grief. Why should I serve it when it has never served me? But Iknowwe could make one another happy, and Iknowthis is how I can keep you safe. That is all that matters to me.”
He raised up on his haunches and reached out to cradle her face in his hands, his thumb stroking her cheek gently, his eyes never leaving her face. She was aware of his position between her thighs and how sweet it was to feel his touch again. Gazing into his eyes, and seeing the way he glanced down at her lips every so often, she managed to suppress the dark cloud of bad feeling that gathered in her head and decided to listen to her heart instead.
