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Chapter Eighteen
The next week passed in a blur. They kissed every time they managed to find themselves alone, which admittedly wasn’t much between the volley of servants and Nora herself who refused to leave Carmen’s side for long. She found herself staying up late into the night with his kisses and sinful touches lingering at the back of her mind. Her blood heated when she remembered the way he softly took a nipple into his mouth and sucked on it without even undressing her. He was a wicked man and Carmen was surprised at the passion that lay under the hard exterior of the man.
A few days later, Carmen hummed to herself as she cleaned the pot after dinner. Lily entered the kitchen and placed a few unwashed bowls beside the basin before frowning up at Carmen. “Are you humming?”
Carmen stopped immediately. “Yes,” she said sheepishly. “I didn’t even realize.”
“Where did you pick up the tune?” Lily asked. “I’ve never heard you hum before but in the past week I must have heard you about a hundred times!”
Carmen threw her a puzzled look. “Is that so?”
Lily nodded. “Besides that, there are other changes in you, too.”
“What kind of changes?” she asked cautiously. So far, she hadn’t told anybody about the nature of her and Arthur’s relationship, not even to Lily who was her closest confidante. She didn’t know how the other woman would react. Besides, there was nothing to tell. Carmen herself didn’t know what to make of Arthur except for the fact that he managed to ignite all her senses simply by appearing in the same room as her. Besides, she didn’t know how Arthur would react to the possibility of the nature of their relationship getting out, so it was better to be discreet about it.
“There were some performers in the park last week. I must have heard them playing,” Carmen said distractedly.
Both of Lily’s brows rose. “You went to the park last week? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t…I didn’t go for a stroll. Lady Nora wanted to have a picnic in the park, and she invited me to go with her,” Carmen explained.
“Was the Duke there too?” Lily asked. There was a knowing smirk on her face.
Carmen frowned at her friend. “Well, of course, he will accompany his daughter. Besides her governess was there too.”
“I see,” Lily said and then her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Did he invite you?”
“I just told you, his daughter did.” Carmen didn’t know where Lily was headed with all her questions, but she was certain that her friend suspected something. She busied herself with cleaning the pot again so that she wouldn’t have to answer any of her questions, answers she didn’t know herself.
Lily’s face softened. “It’s just that I haven’t seen you happy in a long time now. I’m happy with whatever makes you happy.”
Carmen didn’t look up from her dishes. Lily knew her better than anybody else and she would understand the truth if she looked into her eyes. Carmen wasn’t trying to deceive her but all the women who lived with them were wary of the man, and rightfully so.
After Lily left, she wiped her fingers and then headed out of the kitchen. Most of the women had already settled in for the night. Carmen headed straight for Remi. She was staring out at the inky black night. It was only a quarter past ten but the streets here were deserted. It had rained in the afternoon, bringing an ominous spell of rainclouds that were expected to last for the next few months. “Did you eat okay?” Carmen asked, settling on the bed beside Remi.
The other woman only nodded in answer. She didn’t even meet her eyes.
On the bed next to her, Queenie was settling in her pillows. “Don’t bother with her Carmen. She’s not interested in talking to anybody.”
Before Carmen could say anything, Elaine spoke up. “Hush now,” she said effectively silencing the younger girl. Carmen turned back to Remi. She had her head placed over her bent knees. She could see the tear stains on her pillow. Even though Remi refused to speak unless absolutely necessary, she had at least not lost her appetite.
Carmen still remembered the god-awful day when she had walked into their door and then she had lost her baby. After that, Carmen had seen the fire practically die out of her. She was merely a broken shell now. “You know I have lost my daughter too,” she said softly.
She felt naked confessing this to the other girl. It wasn’t the same as with Arthur who she felt like she could tell anything, even bare the deepest recesses of her heart and he wouldn’t flinch. But Carmen ventured on. “But she was taken away from me by a cruel man too.”
Slowly, Remi raised her head and turned to face her. “What happened to her?”
Carmen shook her head. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to look for her all these years.” The man who she had been corresponding with, the one who had promised to find her daughter had suddenly stopped writing to her. “But I still have hope that I will find her.”
“How long has it been?” Remi asked.
“She must be all grown up now. About seven,” Carmen said, wishfully thinking about what her daughter could possibly look like. Her thoughts were interrupted by a sneer. “If you think you can find your daughter after so long, it’s nothing but foolishness.”
With that, Remi turned her face away from her stubbornly. Carmen knew that Remi was saying awful things only because of her hurt, but she couldn’t help the tears that sprung to her eyes.
“Hope triumphs everything else. My heart knows I’ll find her someday, and I will.”
Remi stared at her but before she could say anything else, Carmen left the room. She knew that the other women had probably heard their conversation, but she was past caring that they knew. She was done hiding her hurt and her truth, she was done being the infallible woman in front of their eyes.
