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I snickered. “You’re bitchy when you’re tired.”
“And you’re even more annoying than usual,” Willow drawled.
Usually, I loved a good argument. At the moment, though, I was not at my best. After a warning glance from Hayley, I pretended to sleep again. Maybe that would keep me out of trouble.
This train ride had turned me inside out. I was flooded with all sorts of feelings. The fact that my two best friends had followed along with my mad scheme humbled me. I would be absolutely devastated if either of them ended up getting hurt, either physically or emotionally.
It wasn’t too late to back out. One word from me and I felt sure either or both of my friends would agree to a new course of action, one where we stuck together as a team. Why had safe seemed like such a dirty word?
Our plan was to remain together tonight at the hotel adjacent to the train station in Inverness. Then tomorrow morning, we would all three go our separate ways. My stomach clenched and my chest tightened. Whatever happened after that would be all my fault.
Hayley tapped the notebook where she had underlined the final piece of our plan. “And remember—every night at nine o’clock, or as close as we can make it, we’ll turn on our phones and check for any emergency messages from each other.”
Willow nodded. “I won’t forget.” I sensed that she was as worried about Hayley as I was. Willow had street smarts, but our schoolteacher friend exhibited a naïve streak a mile wide.
The odd thing was, Willow and I were probably the two with the most in common. Which sounded ridiculous given the circumstances of our upbringing. But it was true.
Hayley possessed the wide-eyed wonder of a child and a nonchalant certainty that people were basically nice and sweet and accommodating. Lord help us if she ever found out that wasn’t true.
Then there was Willow: hard-working, gruff Willow. Rough around the edges. Abnormally cautious when it came to money. Almost always expecting the worst. I’m sure she would hoot at the comparison, but she and I shared a similar outlook. Neither of us wanted to depend on anyone else for our happiness and our security.
Willow had coped with poverty and a dysfunctional family. The hand I’d been dealt included too much money and parents who barely acknowledged my existence. I’d long since given up trying to win their approval.
Even if I could go out tomorrow, marry a Wall Street banker, and pop out two point five kids, it still wouldn’t be enough. My father’s career engulfed him. My mother’s vanity and narcissism absorbed her.
Thank God I had two such amazing human beings for friends. I loved both with a raw intensity that would probably astonish each of them in different ways. With seven years of adult friendship under our belts to bolster our childhood memories, I would never let them go. Not the recollections of the past, and certainly not the women themselves.
Hayley and Willow and I were the same age. At the moment, though, I felt the sole burden of responsibility. This entire Outlander scheme was my idea. If it failed, I’d be to blame. If it succeeded, even on a superficial level, we’d have a thrilling month ahead.
Despite the panic and the second thoughts, the prospect was exhilarating. Was there a Jamie out there for me? A strong, chivalrous Scotsman who would fight for me and keep me warm at night?
I closed my eyes and tried to conjure up his face.
Inverness couldn’t get here soon enough…
