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“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
They were so close together she could see his individual eyelashes. The ring of deep azure around his pupils sparkled with tiny flecks of amber. His chest rose and fell. “I’ll turn out the lights. It’s after ten.”
All her wants and needs coalesced into one giant knot of despair. As soon as they got back to New York, she wouldn’t see Farris again. “Kiss me,” she whispered, trying not to cry and ruin the moment. Or betray her utter weakness where he was concerned. She couldn’t have him feeling sorry for her. That would be the worst humiliation.
She saw concern in his gaze, but after a moment’s hesitation, he eased her down onto her back and leaned over her. “My poor Inkie,” he said. The moment his lips touched hers, she shivered and moaned. There was no doubt Farris heard her response.
The kiss deepened. Despite her considerable physical distress, arousal pooled in all the secret places of her body. His lips were firm and warm, coaxing. There was no need for persuasion. She wanted him desperately. This might be the last time.
Farris was more in control than she was. Though the kiss lingered—heated and thorough—he ended it after a few minutes.
It helped that he was visibly shaken. She wasn’t alone in this.
“We can’t, India,” he said, cupping her uninjured cheek with his hand. “There’s no way I could keep from hurting you. I won’t do that.”
She searched his face as he leaned over her. “You did before. You hurt me terribly. And unless I’m mistaken, you’re about to do the same thing again.”
There was deliberate challenge in her voice. His face went white. Only his eyes burned with something. “You should get some sleep,” he said, the words perfectly emotionless, even though moments before he’d been kissing her passionately, desperately.
He wasn’t going to make love to her. And if she was brutally honest about that euphemism, he wasn’t even going to screw her.
She nodded slowly, trying to pretend she wasn’t seconds away from begging. “You’re right.”
Carefully, she rolled onto her left side, facing away from him, wishing she could banish him but knowing she wouldn’t.
Farris settled on his side, as well, and spooned her. His big, muscular arms came around her, cradling her in heat and security, though the latter was an illusion.
She felt his lips in her hair. “Good night, India.”
“Good night.”
She thought she wouldn’t sleep. But the exhaustion and the meds did their work. When Farris turned out all the lights and straightened the covers over both of them, she was out in minutes.
It was the best sleep she’d had in five years, despite her poor battered body.
Her dreams were confusing, though. They started out sweet and happy. That was the result of Farris’s solid presence and the way his body radiated heat.
But later in the night, her brain ventured into dark territory. She was running. It was one of those dreams where the exits were hidden, and the villain was only steps away.
Sometime around three, she jerked awake, her heart pounding.
Farris roused. “India?” His voice was ragged and sleepy.
“I had a nightmare,” she whispered, still facing away from him. It was foolish to admit it, foolish to feel like the dream was a premonition of what was to come.
He nuzzled the back of her neck, running his hand up and down her arm, trying to comfort her. “I’m here, Inkie. Go back to sleep.”
“Okay.”
Farris followed his own advice. India lay awake in the dark, her heart breaking. If her entire body didn’t ache from being thrown off a horse, she might have tried to seduce him. It would have worked. She and Farris still shared an undeniable, incendiary physical attraction—a connection that defied the truth of their marriage.
His right arm lay curled around her waist. His hand had landed just below her breast. She linked her fingers with his and rubbed one of his big, masculine knuckles with her thumb. Once upon a time, this intimacy, this contentment, had been hers.
How could she let it go again?
But she hadn’t let it go the first time, had she?
Instead, she had picked herself up, returned to New York and built the life she wanted. She didn’t have a family of her own yet, but it would happen. She was perfectly capable of being happy without Farris. She had reached that point a few years ago. But what if the best version of herself and her life was the one that included Farris?
