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“I know.” And I felt guilty about that. “But at least they’ll be safe from me. We can’t do this forever though, so what happens when we have to go back?”
“Pray that they’ve caught the real killer by then.”
“Let’s hope it’s soon.” I moved away from him, grabbing my bag to take my medication.
“You should stop taking those.” Dorian frowned at the pill bottle as though it had offended him. “They’re stopping you from whatever it is you do.”
“I don’t want to wake up next to a dead body,” I said, a little too hotly. “Not only has it gotten us into this mess, but I can’t handle not being in control of my own body. Waking up and not knowing where I was or what I did is my idea of a nightmare.”
“It’s your choice.” He picked up the bottle and read the description. “But do me a favour and at least think about it. It could help us find the killer. I’m with you. I’ll watch you, follow you, see what you do, and then we’ll have proof that you’re innocent. Even better, proof of who is really responsible.”
“And if nobody believes you? If I really am the killer?” I shivered. “What if this medicine is just keeping the world safe from me?”
He set down the bottle to take my hands into his. “These hands haven’t killed anyone. I’m sure of it.”
I wished I could be as sure of myself as Dorian. I took my medicine because I didn’t have the same confidence in myself. I saw the disappointment in his eyes as I swallowed the pill, but I wasn’t brave enough to answer all of the questions yet.
* * *
“I feel like a stalker,”Dorian whispered from where we had hidden behind some bushes.
“I don’t want to be seen by her parents,” I whispered back. “I just need to see a friendly face. And she might help us, give us the keys to her grandmother’s cottage.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
My throat tightened, but I ignored it. “Then we’ll be breaking and entering.”
I wasn’t entirely sure why I had travelled all the way back to the place I had originally run from. I thought it would feel like home, but stepping off the train had been unsettling. There was something unfamiliar about everything. Nothing was the same, I didn’t belong anymore, and the old feelings of dread and anxiety I had conveniently forgotten started to bloom all over again.
Even more surprising was the fact I actually missed Dublin, and how it had become the place that felt like home now. I’d finally found acceptance there. My childhood village just couldn’t do that for me. The thought of how close I’d come to never meeting Dorian, never knowing what it was like to just bemearound someone, made me catch my breath.
“Don’t be scared,” he said. “I can hear your heart race.”
“Shush,” I whispered. “They’re coming out now.”
“Good. Even I’m freezing here.”
Except I’d been the one huddling closer to him for his warmth.
I watched the group come out of the community centre after choir practice, happy and full of chatter. Something inside me still longed to be a part of it, to belong, but those people had abandoned me in my time of need. Dorian hadn’t.
On a whim, I kissed his cheek. “Never mind,” I said when he shot me a questioning look.
We waited patiently for the gossiping to end so everyone would go home. Thankfully, my old best friend made her way toward home alone. When she passed the bushes we were hiding behind, I jumped out and clamped my hand over her mouth before she could scream.
Her eyes bulged until she recognised me. I let go. “Hey.”
“Jesus,” she cried. “What the hell are you doing? You scared me!”
“I had to see you, Eva. Did you miss me?” I held out my arms to hug her, but she shivered and took a step back. Dorian’s words about me echoed in my head. Could it be true that I actually repelled people? Or did she still believe in the rumours about me?
“I haven’t seen you in ages.” She folded her arms across her chest and glared at Dorian. “Who’s this?”
“A friend. Listen, I need your help.” I took a step forward. She took a step back. That stung. “We used to be friends.Bestfriends.”
Dorian laid a hand on my shoulder. “We need a place to stay for a few nights. Can you help or not?”
She was going to say no. A lump formed in my throat. “I was there for you through everything. Always. I never did a thing to you to make you treat me like this.”
