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“Well?” Nathan asked. “How do you feel?”
I was still trying to figure that out. A warm emotion spread over me, and I realised it was coming from the wolf. “The wolf,” I said, rubbing my chest. “She wants to protect her. She’s so interested in her.” I held up my hands. “Don’t worry. She doesn’t want to eat her.”
“Margo,” Dorian said in a surprised voice.
“It’s all right,” Perdita said. “It must be so confusing for you, Margo, but you’re handling it well.”
“It’s not me,” I answered honestly. “It’s this wolf. She knows what to do. How to act. I don’t even know what’s going on half the time.”
“You’ll get used to her,” Nathan said. “But take a little credit. If Byron wasn’t so confident about your control, you wouldn’t have met Diane for a long time. Still, never get complacent. Even old wolves can get surprised by strong emotions or unexpected incidents. You always have to be careful not to lose it.”
I nodded, only half-listening. My attention was drawn to Diane again. She smelled like milk and powder, the way I imagined all babies did, but there was something else familiar about her scent. Maybe it was familiar to the wolf. I wondered if the things I had seen and heard during my first transformation were real or half-imagined. Amelia hadn’t been keen to talk about it, and I hadn’t exactly been in the right frame of mind to take all of it in. Had my wolf always existed, waiting for me? Had she lived before? I might never know the truth.
“Enjoy the run tonight,” Nathan said. “I won’t be there. A few of us will stay behind to watch over things here, but you’ll still get to be with most of the pack. It’ll help you feel welcome and establish you as part of the pack.”
Dorian had said much the same to me. I couldn’t wait. A normal life was moving further and further behind me, and yet I kept sprinting onward.
The packmostly ran together in small groups that met up, intersected, mixed, dispersed, then met up all over again. Some ran alone, some lazed about, and others appeared to expend as much energy as possible.
I wasn’t sure how I understood as much as I did when we couldn’t communicate in words, but the wolf felt comfortable around the pack. The others had either been curious and sniffed at us, or else avoided us completely. The wolf was okay with either option, though she did occasionally growl when somebody came too close too fast. She had boundaries, at least. Dorian was always allowed close to us though, which was a huge relief because I had been depending on him to get me through so many strange experiences.
The way he had spoken about my opinion of him potentially changing had scared me a little. I understood why he had brought it up, but our positions in the pack didn’t bother the wolf at all. I thought it might have made things better. We were opposite sides of the same coin, able to function as a team or alone with no major problems. The whole pack position stuff didn’t seem to matter most of the time.
Until it did. My first problem came when Jeremy got too close. Like Byron, he was more dominant than me, but unlike Byron, he didn’t leave me feeling at ease. A prickly sensation kept running along my spine, making me anxious—and irritable. The wolf couldn’t lash out at Jeremy—even I realised that—and it made her angry and ready to snap at the others around me instead. As though he sensed the change, Dorian shepherded me away from Jeremy.
The wolf was annoyed at the feeling that we had given up something—territory or pride. Another adult wolf approached me. We growled then relaxed almost immediately when we caught Jorge’s scent. Though it was a strange feeling to recognise a scent at all.
Jorge stayed next to me for a few moments, and the wolf was able to calm herself. He wasn’t a threat or a danger. I could breathe without worrying. But there was something off about Jorge, too, and it took me a while to find the word for it.
Loneliness. The wolf could tell Jorge was lonely. I could tell it was my fault. His family had been sent away because of me. He slipped away when the rest of the teens surrounded us, acting giddy and playful. I forgot about Jorge and indulged in play, letting the wolf enjoy herself before we ran together.
The teens let me lead the way with Victor and Dorian at my shoulders. I experienced true lightness of heart and soul, something new and addictive. I had finally found my people, people I had chosen, people who welcomed me into the fold as though there had been an empty spot that could only be filled by me. I finally belonged, weird as I was. Weirder than I had started, even.
Together with the pack, beautiful energy drummed through us all. It centred from the alpha and spread outward. The closer we were to him, the stronger it felt. He was the core that kept everyone connected. I didn’t feel compelled to follow him, but many wolves seemed to, desperate to feel that sensation more strongly, perhaps.
But I caught a similar feeling from Dorian, so that explained why I didn’t need to stay so close to the alpha. Maybe Byron and Amelia were right, and we were forming our own little family within the larger pack.
By the time we were on our way home, walking together on two legs, my heart was buoyed with adrenaline and happiness. Everything felt good. Great.
Until it didn’t.
I stopped walking. “Something’s wrong.” It was different from before. A chill spread over me like a thin layer of ice, but it stopped on the surface of my skin instead of penetrating my entire body. It still felt cold, but manageable, not all-consuming.
“Her eyes are blue!” Dorian called out.
Everybody knew what that meant, so a bunch of people gathered around me, although they seemed more curious than fearful.
They moved out of the way for Byron. “What’s going on?”
“We should get back,” I said. “Something’s going to happen.” It didn’t feel urgent though. That was unusual for me. Was that because of the wolf or something else?
“Death?” Byron asked.
“I’m not sure. It’ll be soon, but we still have time. I don’t know why or what. Only that something is coming.”
“Then let’s see what it is,” he said, and a sense of relief poured through me that he trusted my instincts. Was that me or the wolf? I couldn’t tell.
Back on pack property, Vira was pacing alongside Nathan. “I feel something,” she said when we drew close. “Eli must be planning something.”
