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“Do I think who meant what?” Xavier’s face scrunches in confusion.
“Jax.” I feel my stomach flop as I consider the heady possibility. “Do you think he meant it when he said he loved me?”
“No.” Xavier snorts.
I ignore him and close my eyes, remembering that exact moment. When Jackson’s arm rested on the open window of his truck and he looked into my soul. He looked past Nina, past my pretend indignation and saw me—the real me.
I love you, Mini.
“You’re wrong,” I tell Xavier, my grin unstoppable. “He loves me and he admitted it in front of the world. And he doesn’t know I love him back.”
Because I didn’t tell him. Last night when we were making love and I was crying and he was pegging me with those honest sapphire-blue eyes, I didn’t tell him. And he didn’t tell me, either.
The many mistakes in our past have made us both gun-shy.
“So?”
“So!” A buoyant laugh fills me with certainty. I bounce over to Xavier, wind my fists in his shirt and shake him a little. “I love him, Xavier. I’m in love with Jackson Burke and I don’t want to pretend anymore. I don’t want to pretend to like you for the public. I don’t want to continue making excuses about why I won’t sleep with you.”
“Sleep with me?” Xavier crows, his voice cracking. “Nina…” He shakes his head, and something in the way he’s watching me, his face morphed into a mask of fear, tips me off. “I never…I don’t…Um…”
I back away and look at him—really look at him. It’s like seeing him for the first time. The perfectly coiffed hair. The careful way he holds himself. “Oh my God.”
“What…? Nina. Wait.”
I think of all the times we’ve been out at a premiere or event and he’s commented on my dress or shoes. That time he bought me the perfect handbag and complimented me on my jewelry. The way he eyed the famous male actors at Millie’s party with appreciation but never once looked at a passing female.
“Nina.” He shakes his head like he doesn’t want me to come to the conclusion I just came to.
“You’re gay, aren’t you?”
He opens his mouth to speak but no sound comes out. It’s obvious now that I think about it. How he never initiated sex or kissing or closeness when we were alone. How brazen he was about PDA whenever we were out and about, and how it always felt scripted—preplanned. How his entire identity hinges on the fact that he’s one of Hollywood’s hottest leading men.
“You don’t have to say anything.” Compassion floods my chest. All this time I’ve been pretending to be someone else, so has he. “You could’ve told me.”
He licks his lips, jerking his gaze over my head to see if we’re being overheard. We’re not. My parents are outside, giving us the privacy I asked for.
“No one knows,” he tells me, his tone desperate.
“I’d love to stay and help plan your coming-out party, but I have to go.” I pat his chest. I have sympathy for the fact that he felt he had to hide who he is from everyone he knows, but I also need to protect myself. Xavier hasn’t been much of a friend. He should’ve had my back. “I have to tell Jax I love him.”
“Then what?” Xavier asks, proving my point that he’s not been concerned for me at all. “Think about the repercussions. What about the premiere? Your career? My next film?”
“I made a mistake.” I back away from him—exactly what I should’ve done when I answered the front door and found him and a camera guy standing there. “I should’ve told you this morning that I wasn’t faking anything else with you. But I didn’t. I screwed up, faked it, and worse—I asked Jackson to fake it for my sake.”
“He was pretty good,” Xavier amends with a crooked smile.
“Not so good that he would’ve lied about an I love you.”
I turn and dash into the kitchen, snatching my parents’ car keys and Jackson’s phone off the counter along with my purse. Out on the patio, I bend to kiss my dad’s cheek and wave to my mom.
“I have to go see Jackson. Can you take care of the Academy Award winner in your living room for me?” I leave them both gaping in my wake and then I run through the side yard and loop around to the garage. In my parents’ car, I back down the driveway as the camera guy jerks the camera onto his shoulder and turns it on.
“Where are you going, Nina?” he calls out.
“To tell Jackson Burke that I love him!” I shout, excited and focused on what I want. Finally. I know what I really want.
A life, a future with Jackson.
