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“I know that. One you were willing to take in order to land a raise but not when the woman you’re sleeping with professes her feelings for you. I thought you loved me, too. Obviously, or I never would have asked.”
“I know.” He sounded miserable. “I’m sorry for bringing up Joe. I was out of line.”
“I’m sorry I proposed to you,” she said, frustrated by his clinical tone. “It wasn’t appropriate work behavior.”
“Don’t do this, Addison. You have a place here. You belong here. I can’t do this without you.”
She’d thought something similar when she stormed out on Friday. That she couldn’t live without him.
Know what she figured out? She could.
It hurt. It hurt like hell and she was going to love him for a long, long time, but pulling herself up by her proverbial bootstraps was nothing new for her. Her parents’ love came with strings, and she’d done without their manipulation for years.
“You know, I was fine with a one-night stand.” She swiped at the tears running down her cheeks, angry that she was so emotional.
“You were not.”
“Don’t be a pompous ass.”
“You tried to be someone you weren’t,” he argued. “I recognize that quality well. You were trying to pretend you were fine with a one-night stand.”
“And what were you doing?”
“Enjoying myself! What the hell is wrong with everyone? Why can’t we hang out and work together and have amazing sex?” He lowered his voice like someone might overhear. “Listen. This isn’t why I called. I called because I made a mistake.”
Her heart—her stupid heart—leaped with hope.
“Remember when I asked you what you were doing for the Fourth of July? I had a plan in mind, but I talked myself out of it. I didn’t want anyone to pressure us into becoming something we’re not. Come with me to my family’s cookout on Saturday. They’d love to see you and you could use the reminder of why you liked it here. Let’s fix this. You’re an integral part of ThomKnox. I don’t want you to work anywhere else.”
What a profession! He would love for her to come work with him and his family sure liked her, too. Her heart broke into a thousand pieces hearing the impassioned, incredible man she’d fallen for compartmentalize their relationship so thoroughly.
“And then what?” she asked with a sniff. “Am I allowed to kiss you? To come home with you? To sleep with you?”
“There are no rules. We’re taking this a day at a time, not crafting a future everyone else wants. I know why you proposed.”
Because she loved him. Duh.
“You feel alone and unloved,” he answered for her. “You are not alone. You have me, my family. You have your job. You don’t have to orchestrate a wedding to fulfill a need your family failed to supply.”
Her tears dried in the heat of her rage.
“You think this was about me not wanting to be alone?” As she said the words, she only grew angrier. “You think I was filling the hole in my heart with a marriage?”
There was a slight pause before Bran said, “Yeah. I do.”
“I proposed because I’m in love with you. Because I had a glimpse of a future with you in it.” Bran and her and their three children. “You have your head so far up your ass with this ‘live in the now’ credo that you don’t see what’s right in front of you! You said there were no rules, but you lied. I broke a very big one when I asked you for more. I won’t live another moment feeling way too much for someone who gives me so little. Goodbye, Brannon.”
She tapped the End Call button on the screen and stared straight ahead. Outside the window, the giant storefront blurred as she blinked away more tears. They’d probably never end at this rate.
“I won’t be told how I feel or what I want. Not by anyone,” she said to herself. She refused to feel bad about being transparent. About being herself. She was a treasure. A prize. A goddamn rare find. If he couldn’t see that, then the only mistake she’d made was letting him talk her into bed in the first place.
He wanted to live in the now? Well, he was going to have to live with the consequences of not planning for his future.
As for her, she had her own future to plan for. One without him in it.
She blotted her face with a tissue and pressed on some powder. Before she stepped out of her new car, she smiled at her reflection in the rearview mirror. Not great, but it would do.
She was capable of being everything she needed in life. She’d practiced at it enough. This misstep wouldn’t slow her down.
Heavy, she trudged into the store, her “you go, girl” speech feeling more and more false with every step.
The truth of the matter was, she wasn’t angry at Brannon for not loving her any more than Joe wasn’t angry with her for not loving him. She was angry at herself for not reading the signs, for not proceeding with caution, for not making a plan.
She should have known better.
From now on, she would.
