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Chapter Thirty-One
Nate
The Owens came out to help celebrate the completion of the Chicago site. I’m not entirely sure they wanted to. I suspect Benji rallied everyone for my sake. I’ve been a sullen son of a bitch lately.
Lainey was adamant about coming when I talked to her earlier this week. She mentioned sightseeing and said she’d like to go for a boat ride and do some shopping while she was here. She asked how I was without prying and I’m guessing Benji told on me like the snitch he is.
I love him for it though. And Lainey. All of them. Even Archer, who called to check on me in his own way, by asking if I was available to visit potential future club sites while he’s in town. I appreciated the offer and agreed. Work keeps my mind off Vivian.
Also, my family loves O’Leary’s. We came here for dinner after I was adopted. We were visiting Chicago and they asked my favorite place to eat and this was it.
I should beat myself up for finishing a job late rather than celebrate. Yeah, late. By two days, but still. We’ve met, right? I don’t finish jobs late. Ever.
I am notoriously on time. The entire reason Vivian chapped my ass the first time I met her was because she wanted to slow down my project and keep me from my due date. Then we became involved and things at work slipped. I slipped. It wasn’t unwelcome to have more going on in my life than constantly clawing my way up the mountain of success.
Once I had her in my life, I spent more and more time falling in love and less and less time at work demanding perfection. I’d like to say it was worth it, but I’m not sure it was.
Cris and Benji believe Vivian is in love with me, but I’ve talked to Walt, and I’m not so sure. The last time he and I spoke, though, he didn’t give me a lot of intel. He did mention she lost her job at the bureau. He was hinting at the Grand Marin position, and it was on the tip of my tongue to mention that I haven’t filled it permanently. I hired a temp service until I don’t know when. I have too many vivid memories of making love to her on the conference table and against the wall and the way we smiled like morons in love after we sank to the floor tangled in each other’s limbs to even consider interviewing for that position.
Turns out I was the only moron in love.
I’m walking toward O’Leary’s, having parked a block away. Bodies pack the tables inside and laughter and chatter can be heard through the windows. They are hopping already, and it’s only six o’clock.
Ideally, Vivian would be here celebrating with me. Best-case scenario, because we flew here together and slept in this morning in the hotel bed. And after that maybe we did a little shopping for a second home in Chicago.
I have to let it go. Let her go. I can’t keep replaying our time together. It’s unhealthy.
The last time I saw her she told me she was incapable of loving me. I don’t know if I don’t believe her, or I just don’t want to. It seems she was right about one thing, though. We didn’t last long. Maybe we weren’t meant to. She was leagues above where I’m stationed in life. Billions and a new suit can only cover so much of the man I truly am.
Just a guy who wants a family so bad he’d bend over backwards to build one.
I straighten my shoulders and stretch my neck side to one side. Game face time. You’re a happy, successful entrepreneur,I remind myself as I pull on the door handle to the pub. I rented the party room in the back, typically used for wakes or weddings. We’re expecting fifty-eight guests, give or take a few plus-ones. I’m looking forward to having a beer and forgetting, even temporarily, the shit I’ve been through over the last week-plus. Over the last thirty-plus years.
Archer and Benji are at the bar, no surprise there. So are the Owens. Lainey and Will look nice. They dressed up for the event, which is their MO. I wore jeans. I’m at a pub. Despite my upbringing, tradition dictates a suit is not appropriate pub attire. I guess you could say I’m feeling more like myself. My old self. Or a combination of the old and new. The man I was trying to be before I met Vivian versus the man I became after. Before I knew what love was, and after I fell so hard I’m still sick over her.
This fucking sucks.
“Darling, how are you?” Lainey asks as I kiss her cheek.
“Late on a project,” I answer as I shake Will’s hand.
“Perfection is unattainable,” he says. Archer gives him a sideways look. He wants to argue, but chooses to keep his mouth shut and not ruin my big night. I appreciate it and convey as much with a silent nod.
“Benji.” I shake my other brother’s hand. “Cris didn’t make the trip?”
“She’s holding down the fort.”
“Anyone here yet?” I look through the crowd to the rear of the bar. The room is open, but I can’t tell if anyone’s in there.
“We were waiting for you. I think we’ve arrived first,” Lainey says.
“Let me grab a draft and we’ll go back.” After my hand is wrapped around an ice-cold beer, I walk my family to the private party room. They settle in at a table and a waiter rushes over to present the appetizer options. I shrug when Benji asks what I want. The beer is enough. I just need to survive this night, and then tomorrow, and so on and so forth.
That’s my goal from now until the day I’m finally over Vivian Vandemark.
I lift my mug to my lips and pause before taking a drink at the vision walking through the double doors. Unless I’m having a vivid hallucination, the woman who won’t leave my head is here.
Walt is behind her. He tips his head as if to say “Well, here she is. Don’t blow it again.”
