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I cross my arms, not enjoying this interrogation as much as he is. Still, I’m curious. “And what’s that?”
“Fear,” he answers and dammit, that feels true. I was never fearless, but I used to be brave. Before I knew how bad things could get. “As they say, you can’t bullshit a bullshitter, and I used to be brimming with it.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You still are.” I smile sweetly.
His lips curl into a wicked smile, sending shivers down my arms. “You think I won’t strip you down and take you on that couch, you’re wrong.”
“You have a flight crew,” I remind him as those shivers shift to heat. I’m flushed, tingly. The idea of us having sex on this plane sounds more appealing than I’d like.
“She’s giving us privacy,” he reminds me. “I can do whatever I want to you.”
“You can.” I study my nails and pretend to be bored. “If I allow it.”
He’s poised to spring, his grip firm on his glass. I’m holding him there with my silence. We both know it. The power is mine, but I’m aware he’s the one who gave it to me.
“You have me figured out.” He sips his whiskey and turns his chair to face front again. Pretending boredom like me.
Evidently he has me figured out too. What he said about me being afraid rings loudly in my head. I started therapy but quit. I ran from my hometown to hide out. I’ve been treating my father’s ashes as if they were a canister of flour rather than the remains of a man who was harder to love in life than he is in death.
Being with Nate is giving up my anonymity. Am I okay with that?
“I lack resilience,” I admit, maybe for the first time. “My easy upbringing didn’t teach me fortitude. My mother faded like a flame on a candle that’s out of wick. My brother numbed himself into oblivion. If I were raised the way you were, maybe I’d have come out swinging.”
“Now who’s full of shit?” He arches one eyebrow before turning his seat toward mine again. He sets down his glass. “Your mother and your brother share a sickness. The same sickness that killed my father and is ravaging my mother.”
“Is?” He told me he hadn’t talked to her in three years.
“I checked in on her.” His mouth pulls into a tight line. “She’s living in the same unsafe neighborhood where I was born. It’s not a nice place. If I thought for a moment she’d move into a penthouse, I’d buy her one.”
“She wouldn’t move?”
“Living in a rundown apartment on the wrong side of town is comforting to her. I’ve tried to move her into a new place before. The result was a lot of wasted time and money.” He sighs. “I may have come out of the birth canal swinging but that doesn’t mean the transition was easier, Vivian. I had no idea what was possible before I met Will and Lainey Owen.”
“I did. I’d give it up all over again if it brought me peace.”
“Has it?”
We both know it hasn’t. I press my lips together.
“What happened is in the past. Your father was accused and sentenced for his crimes and died in prison. It’s over for him. It should be for you. If you’re happy, then great. I can’t escape the feeling you want more. That you want to blaze a trail. ” He holds out a hand and I slide mine against his palm. Instantly I am less defensive. “You are a fighter, Vivian. Not like me, and that’s not a bad thing. I took down a wall with a sledgehammer and then had to replace it at my cost. I can be stupid. Reckless.”
“I thought it was sexy,” I disagree. “A buff guy in a fancy suit with a sledgehammer. Drywall dust dotting your hair.”
“Don’t forget I caught you in my arms after that. I saved your life.”
“My life?” I tilt my head in disbelief.
“I at least saved you from a concussion.”
I’ll give him that. I smile.
He strokes my hand with his thumb. “You won’t be happy until you accept that it’s okay to go after your heart’s desires. And you”—he tugs my hand and pulls me onto his lap—“are a woman who gets exactly what she desires the moment she allows herself to desire it.”
Present party included, I think smugly. I wanted him the night at the museum, and here we are.
“Including sex on that couch over there?” I whisper against his lips.
“Or right here on this chair.” He kisses me hard, deep. Not holding back.
