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“You’ve arrived, Nate. I’m dead weight. What do you want from me, anyway?”
“Are you shitting me?” Her snarky comment cut deeper than I wanted it to. “I don’t want anything from you. I just want you. Is that so hard to believe?”
She opened up to me in Chicago. She was tender and understanding. She didn’t come out, sword swinging, like she’s been doing since Walt reentered her life. If he has a hangnail she drops everything to take care of him. He’s starting to piss me off. “I thought you were settling in here.”
“This isn’t real life, Nate.” She shakes her head pitiably like I’m the dolt who doesn’t see what’s right in front of him.
“I don’t like when you use my name as a swearword,” I tell her. “And I disagree. This is real life. This is my life. You’re here and you’re real. I’m real. This is a life we’re making together. Don’t you recognize it when it’s in front of you?
“Walt and his issues have taken center stage since we came home from Chicago,” I continue. “I think focusing on his problems is your way of masking your own needs.”
Her eyes flame with anger. She stands and slams down her glass. “And what do I need, Nate? Eight-course meals? A selection of designer clothes? Expensive shoes? Sex?”
“Aside from the great sex, that’s all stuff.” I stand too, plunging my hands in my pockets to broadcast that no matter how much her dander goes up I’m maintaining a level head. “I’m offering you more than stuff. I want you here. I’m in no hurry for you to leave.”
She blinks at me but stays silent.
“Have you thought about managing Grand Marin and quitting the bureau?”
“No,” she huffs.
“No, you haven’t thought about it, or no, you don’t want the job?”
“I’m trying not to think about it.”
Exactly my point. She’s ignoring her own life to hyper-focus on her brother’s. I lean close. “Why not?”
“The other shoe always drops. Always.” Her voice is small. I hate when her voice is small. She’s stronger than this.
“It dropped, Vivian. Both of them. You threw them at me on my job site and then I put the broken one in the dumpster along with its mate. Remember?”
I didn’t plan on admitting this so soon, but here goes nothing.
“I’m falling for you.”
Her mouth opens softly. I cup her jaw. I need what I’m saying to penetrate her stubborn mind.
“I didn’t expect to fall for you. I knew you were a challenge and great in bed. I didn’t put expectations on what we had. I’m busy. I have a ton of my own baggage to sort through. You don’t want a guy like me in your life. You’ve proven that time and again. You’re cagey and jumpy and uncertain.”
“A-and you’re falling for me?” She lets out an exasperated laugh and I fall more.
“Guess so.”
“That’s not very smart.” Her smile is shaky, but it’s there. I scared her. Understandable. I scared myself.
“I’m not always smart. Case in point.”
She bites her bottom lip.
“Who did you call out there?”
After a beat, she tells me. “Marnie.”
I wait for her to explain.
“She’s a friend who knew me back when.”
“Back when you were Vivian Steele.”
