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CHAPTERTHREE
“I borrowed your dress.” -Me to Viv, treading where I shouldn’t at the time and not knowing it (Once Upon a Billionaire)
Dee
So, yeah, I guess you could say I blew it. There’s not much I can do about the way I walked out on him last year. Or the way I ignored his calls and emails for a few months. Or the way I told him I didn’t want him any longer when we did connect on the phone. It was a bald-faced lie, but I wanted him to be whole. At the time, I thought he’d be more whole without me. Now I know better.
All I have is this moment. All I need is this moment. And for that star to grant my Christmas wish. Please, star. Please, God. Please, whoever is up there.
The door swings aside and my heart leaps to my throat, lodging there so tightly I can’t take my next breath. The sight of Nate, with his kind eyes and crooked nose, is so welcome, my shoulders relax. When his mouth splits into a smile, I know I’m in good hands. Vivian’s husband is a billionaire and a badass. He is kind and brawny and damn good-looking, if I am allowed to observe that.
“Love the outfit,” he says as he pulls the door open. I lift my Santa hat that continually slides down past my forehead and smile back.
“Thank you for having me.“
He folds me into a warm hug. “Don’t sweat it.” His eyes go to the gift bag in my hand.
“It’s for Viv.”
He nods proudly. He is a man who loves to give Viv gifts, so I’m sure he approves of me bringing one. I brought Walt a gift too, but it isn’t wrapped. Unless he counts me as a gift. A hope I pray isn’t futile.
Nate leads the way from the foyer to the open, cathedral-ceilinged living room. The first time I set foot in this house, I was wearing one of Vivian’s dresses that I didn’t ask to borrow. I had been staying in her apartment with Walt. When I look back at that time and think of the things I said and the way I behaved, I understand how entitled I must have seemed. There was an element of that, but mostly I was overcome with admiration for Vivian. She was poised, strong. She said what she meant and loved Walt with a ferocity I could appreciate and wanted to emulate. I loved him too, but I had to leave to understand how much. A fuck-ton, as it turns out.
“Found a stray Santa Claus on the doorstep,” Nate announces when he steps into the living room beside me. His warm hand on my back helps me stand strong when Vivian’s eyes meet mine. I take a quick scan of the room. No Walt.
She sweeps over to me in a red sheath dress hugging her perfect curves. She pulls me into a hug, her dark hair smelling of candy canes, maybe from her shampoo. I hold her for a beat. When she lets me go, she praises, “You look amazing.”
“I was thinking the same about you.” I hand her the gift bag. “It’s a dress like the one I borrowed way back when. I want to apologize officially. I shouldn’t have assumed what was yours was mine. It was—”
“Dee.” She smiles, her eyes warm and patient. She takes the bag and hugs me again. “Thank you. I’m sorry I made you feel unforgiven. I’m responsible for my own share of bad behavior back then too, you know.”
I shake my head. Because, yes, she wasn’t my biggest fan for a while, but I understand why. I’ve changed. In one year, I’ve changed more than I did in the lifetime preceding it.
She tucks her gift beneath a tall Christmas tree ornately decorated with gold and silver ornaments and cream-colored ribbon. The lights are white, the gifts under the tree open save for the one I just gave her. I turn toward my reflection in the window and shake my head at my baggy Santa suit, the hat making its way down to cover my eyes again. My smile fades when I notice a man jogging down the stairs behind me. I recognize that blurry reflection as well as if I were looking at him directly.
Walt.
He’s here.
A glass partition separating the staircase from the living room stands between us. So does a year of misunderstandings. He hasn’t noticed me yet.
He’s carrying something small in his hand. “Found ’em. I don’t know what I can’t believe more, Viv. That you kept a set of Dad’s cufflinks or that you waited this long to give them to me.”
His smile is hitched when he lifts his head. My chest tightens with so much longing, I worry I might have a heart attack. Wouldn’t that be lovely? Have a heart attack and die before I tell him everything I came to tell him.
He takes in my Santa suit, laughs, and then says, “Who’s this? Did you guys hire a…” before recognition hits. He trails off, his gaze now glued to the face beneath the red and white hat.
“She wanted to surprise you,” Vivian says. “And I wanted her to surprise you. Nate, are you ready?”
“Right. We should get going.”
“What? Where are you going?” Walt, his dark brown eyes wide on Nate, looks to him for solace.
“Somewhere else. You two have a lot to talk about.”
I hate rejection. My stomach liquifies as I anticipate what will happen next. Walt doesn’t want to be stuck here with me alone. Why didn’t I text or call him instead of showing up to surprise him while wearing this stupid suit? God, I’m an idiot.
“You don’t have to leave,” Walt says to Nate and Viv as he tucks the cufflinks into his pocket. Then he faces me. “I will.”
“Walt,” Vivian tries.
“Don’t, Viv. I’m going home,” he tells her. Nate looks as if he wants to agree with Viv, but when he opens his mouth, Walt points at him. “You either. Thank you both for the gifts. I’ll be back for them in the morning.”
Rather than march for the door, Walt comes to me. His wavy hair is shorter than it was last year. His face is less gaunt and more peaceful, even while wearing an expression of incredulity. I hold my breath, expecting him to tell me I made a mistake coming here. Expecting him to suggest I turn my tail around and fly back to Atlanta. To forget I ever knew him.
Instead, he says, “Are you coming with me, or what?”
