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Though this addiction has me feeling more content than I can ever remember being and, if it feels this good, can it truly be all that bad for me?
And it isn’t a relationship. It’s not anything. Just some messing around while we get a job done.
Because I don’t want to be in a relationship again.
I don’t.
And he’s so young. Close to the age I was when I married Nathan, and look where that landed me—childless and alone and missing out on so much.
‘Olivia?’
‘Mmm?’
‘What are you thinking?’
‘I’m wondering why you haven’t dragged me upstairs and fucked me senseless already.’
It’s not a total lie, and I know my brash language is an attempt at concealing the truth: that I’m scared I won’t want to give him up, that I’m going back down the same old road, wanting to tie myself to another, sacrifice my wants and dreams for another.
His chuckle hammers over the lot, destroying the worries, the overthinking, and then his lips are on mine and my brain empties, leaving one thought remaining:Live for the now, not the future you cannot control.
Valentine
‘Okay, so I didn’t want to wake you to ask what you fancied for breakfast...’
Olivia walks into my bedroom, all light and breezy, her hair tumbling down her shoulders, her face devoid of make-up, and she’s wearing—Oh, God, whatisshe wearing?
‘So I just bought a variety.’
Her eyes lift to mine as she holds up a large paper bag and precariously balances a tower of two coffee cups in the other. She blushes and eyes her front before looking back to me with a small shrug.
‘I hope you don’t mind, but I didn’t have a sleepover in mind when we went to the football. And your hoodie kind of works, don’t you think?’
I laugh, my grin feeling too wide for my face.
‘It’s certainly a look.’
She wanders over with an extra sway to her hips, a strip of white just visible beneath my grey hoodie that tells me she’s wearing her dress beneath. She offloads the stuff on the bedside table and turns to me, tugging on the drawstrings to the hood and looking far too cute and edible.
‘What did you wear on your feet?’
She smiles. ‘My heels. They’re white, they go, and besides, the streets were relatively quiet and it’s a glorious morning, too glorious to spend it in bed.’
I reach out for her hand and pull her to me. ‘You sure about that?’
‘Well...’ she hums low in her throat, her hands tangling in my hair as she eyes me ‘...now that you come to mention it...’
I go to kiss her and she drags her mouth away. ‘But you will take me out in the car...after?’
I nod against her mouth, our noses rubbing. ‘I will.’
I go to kiss her again and she ducks away more. ‘You promise?’
‘I promise.’
I’d take her out every day in that damn car if I could just keep her...
I pull her under me, bury my hands in her hair, my mouth desperate over hers as my body comes alive, the heat rushing to my groin as my heart beats panicked, wild...
