AllFreeNovel
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‘What?’ I frown. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I told you Alan brought me in because of my past and he knew I would understand you.’
‘But it was a job, a paid contract.’
‘No. It wasn’t. I didn’t need money to help someone I thought was hurting.’
‘Youthoughtwas hurting?’ My frown deepens as his words sting. ‘You make me sound heartless.’
‘No, you’re anything but that, Olivia.’ His eyes soften into mine. ‘If you were heartless this would be so much easier to walk away from.’
‘But you don’t need to walk away. Why can’t we just carry on as we are? Now that I understand what happened I can be more sympathetic, I can—’
‘Stop, Olivia. Just, stop. I don’t want to change you. I’m trying to tell you that I’m in love with you. Just the way you are.’
I can’t... He didn’t... I can’t be hearing him right.
‘But I can’t carry on like this...’ He reaches for my hands, covers them with his own as his eyes search mine. ‘I can’t be around you without loving you. Without caring. And sometimes I’ll worry, and I may overreact, and you’ll have every right to bollock me for it.’
I open my mouth, close it again.Oh, God.
‘But I... I love you. I love your zest for life, I love your spark, your intelligence, your heart.’
His words run over themselves in my head, my stomach rolls, and all the while my heart skips along like it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. When it’s not. It can’t be.
He gives a pained laugh. ‘Is it really so horrifying to hear?’
‘You can’t love me.’
‘I do.’
‘But...but how? I don’t get it. You hate how I live my life, the risks you believe I take.’
‘None of that changes the way I feel about you.’
I remove a shaky hand from beneath his, rake it through my hair, try to take a breath, clear my brain that’s racing as fast as my pulse.
‘But we would never work in a real relationship.’
‘Why?’
‘For the same reason you flipped out on the track! I want to live life a hundred miles an hour for as long as possible and you want to do the complete opposite. I can’t live like that, not again.’
‘No, and I understand that. I get it. I know why you push yourself so hard, but I also know that being loved for the person you are is the healthiest love of all. And I do love you for who you are. I don’t want to change you. I want to learn to live again, with you.’
‘But...but don’t you see? I’m too old for you; you tie yourself to me and you will make the same sacrifices I did. You’ll resent me.’
‘Did you resent Nathan because he was older than you?’
I’m quiet for a beat. Two. ‘No. I didn’t. But... I would never want that for you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I want you to start living your life again and tying yourself to me long-term won’t help you do that.’
‘You’ve done a pretty good job showing me how to live again so far.’
‘Because we’re fooling around, having fun. This was never a relationship. Not a serious one.’
