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"You look nice. What's up?"
Her feelings shifted slightly, her irritation with me dimming a little. "I'm meeting Christian soon."
For a few minutes there, it had felt like the old days with Lissa and me. Just us, hanging out and talking. Her mention of Christian, as well as the realization that she'd have to leave me soon for him, stirred up dark feelings in my chest...feelings I had to reluctantly admit were jealousy. Naturally, I didn't let on to that.
"Wow. What'd he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn't set the building on fire in the first place." Christian's element was fire. It was fitting since it was the most destructive one.
Laughing, she turned from the mirror and noticed me gently touching my swollen face with my fingers. Her smile turned kind. "It doesn't look that bad."
"Whatever. I can tell when you're lying, you know. And Dr. Olendzki says it'll be even worse tomorrow." I lay back down on the bed. "There probably isn't enough concealer in the world to cover this, is there? Tasha and I'll have to invest in some Phantom of the Opera-style masks."
She sighed and sat on the bed near me. "Too bad I can't just heal it."
I smiled. "That would be nice."
The compulsion and charisma brought on by spirit were great, but really, healing was her coolest ability. The range of things she could achieve was staggering.
Lissa was also thinking about what spirit could do. "I wish there were some other way to control the spirit ... in a way that still let me use the magic...."
"Yeah," I said. I understood her burning desire to do great things and help people. It radiated off of her. Hell, I would also have liked to have this eye cleared up in an instant rather than days. "I wish there were too."
She sighed again. "And there's more to me than just wishing I could heal and do other stuff with spirit. I also, well, just miss the magic. It's still there; it's just blocked off by the pills. It's burning inside of me. It wants me, and I want it. But there's a wall between us. You just can't imagine it."
"I can, actually."
It was true. Along with having a general sense for her feelings, I could sometimes also "slip into her." It was hard to explain and ever harder to endure. When that happened, I could literally see through her eyes and feel what she experienced. During those times, I was her. Many times, I'd been in her head while she longed for the magic, and I'd felt the burning need she spoke of. She often woke up at night, yearning for the power she could no longer reach.
"Oh yeah," she said ruefully. "I forget about that sometimes."
A sense of bitterness filled her. It wasn't directed at me so much as it was the no-win nature of her situation. Anger sparked inside of her. She didn't like feeling helpless any more than I did. The anger and frustration intensified into something darker and uglier, something I didn't like.
"Hey," I said, touching her arm. "You okay?"
She closed her eyes briefly, then opened them. "I just hate it."
The intensity of her feelings reminded me of our conversation, the one we'd had just before I went to the Badica house. "You still feel like the pills might be weakening?"
"I don't know. A little."
"Is it getting worse?"
She shook her head. "No. I still can't use the magic. I feel closer to it... but it's still blocked off."
"But you still... your moods ..."
"Yeah ... they're acting up. But don't worry," she said, seeing my face. "I'm not seeing things or trying to hurt myself."
"Good." I was glad to hear it but still worried. Even if she still couldn't touch the magic, I didn't like the idea of her mental state slipping again. Desperately, I hoped the situation would just stabilize on its own. "I'm here," I told her softly, holding her gaze. "If anything happens that's weird...you tell me, okay?"
Like that, the dark feelings disappeared within her. As they did, I felt a weird ripple in the bond. I can't explain what it was, but I shuddered from the force. Lissa didn't notice. Her mood perked up again, and she smiled at me.
"Thanks," she said. "I will."
I smiled, happy to see her back to normal. We lapsed into silence, and for the briefest of moments, I wanted to pour my heart out to her. I'd had so much on my mind lately: my mother, Dimitri, and the Badica house. I'd been keeping those feelings locked up, and they were tearing me apart. Now, feeling so comfortable with Lissa for the first time in a long time, I finally felt that I could let her into my feelings for a change.
Before I could open my mouth, I felt her thoughts suddenly shift. They became eager and nervous. She had something she wanted to tell me, something she'd been thinking about intently. So much for pouring my heart out. If she wanted to talk, I wouldn't burden her with my problems, so I pushed them aside and waited for her to speak.
"I found something in my research with Ms. Carmack. Something strange..."
"Oh?" I asked, instantly curious.
Moroi usually developed their specialized element during adolescence. After that, they were put into magic classes specific to that element. But as the only spirit user on record at the moment, Lissa didn't really have a class she could join. Most people believed she just hadn't specialized, but she and Ms. Carmack - the magic teacher at St. Vladimir's - had been meeting independently to learn what they could about spirit. They researched both current and old records, checking for clues that might lead to other spirit users, now that they knew some of the telltale signs: an inability to specialize, mental instability, etc.
"I didn't find any confirmed spirit users, but I did find...reports of, um, unexplained phenomena."
I blinked in surprise. "What kind of stuff?" I asked, pondering what would count as "unexplained phenomena" for vampires. When she and I had lived with humans, we would have been considered unexplained phenomena.
"They're scattered reports...but, like, I read this one about a guy who could make others see things that weren't there. He could get them to believe they were seeing monsters or other people or whatever."
"That could be compulsion."
"Really powerful compulsion. I couldn't do that, and I'm stronger - or used to be - in it than anyone we know. And that power comes from using spirit...."
"So," I finished, "you think this illusion guy must have been a spirit user too." She nodded. "Why not contact him and find out?"
