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Roberto leaves me to my own devices, and I walk around exploring a space that stuns me a little. It’s a far cry from my parents’ home in the Cotswolds. A huge sprawling manor house set amid landscaped gardens with a nearby orchard and kitchen garden. It boasts an ornamental formal garden that encompasses a huge lawn where we play croquet most Summers.
Inside we have antique furniture that has been passed down through the years and paintings of the family set against wallpaper that should have been replaced years ago. This is so completely different from that. Poles apart even and I have discovered a new love of modern living that excites me in a way I wasn’t expecting.
As I sit on the bed, I spin the phone in my hand and wonder what I’ll say to my parents. It’s going to be a shock; whatever I tell them, and I take a moment to consider my words.
I take a deep breath and press in the familiar number and my heart beats so fast I wonder if it will put me out of my misery and save me the trouble.
“Lady Richmond.”
“Mummy, it’s Charlotte.”
“Charlotte, oh my God, are you ok? Where are you? I’ll come and get you immediately.”
“I’m well, I’m, oh, I don’t know how to say this. It’s a little surprising, but well…”
“Spit it out, Charlotte. What’s happened? Do you want me to call the police, phone your father at the House of Lords, what …?”
“It’s, well, I’m actually on my honeymoon.”
The silence says everything, and I briefly wonder if I’ve killed my mother; perhaps she had a heart attack and is currently on her way to heaven. Could this be mother number two who has died because of me, a macabre thought, but you have no control of them in a situation like this.
“What did you say?”
The shock is evident in her voice, and I say brightly, “My honeymoon. You see, mummy, I met a wonderful man called Ivan. He’s, well, a little different but you’ll soon love him as much as I do and well, we’re really happy and gosh, I’m babbling on like an idiot but what I wanted to say was, don’t worry about me. I’m absolutely fine and will bring him home just as soon as I can.”
My heart is beating so loudly I’m sure she must hear it and then she says slowly,“Ok darling, that’s well, super. Anyway, I think it’s best if you cut short your honeymoon and bring him home to introduce him to your father. You’re not in trouble, we just want to make sure you’re ok. Can you do that for me, sweetheart? Please.”
I can tell she’s humoring me and she’s speaking in that voice that tells me anything just to get me home. I already know she will do everything in her power to break us up and I inject a touch of steel in my voice as I say sharply, “I told you, mummy, I’m on my honeymoon and happy. So, don’t worry about me and I’ll be home before you know it. Anyway, pass the message on to daddy and I’ll be in touch shortly. Love you, bye.”
I quickly end the call because that was a difficult conversation in more ways than one. When I heard her familiar voice it drenched me in homesickness, and I wasn’t aware how much I’ve been putting on a brave face. Suddenly, I’m that little girl again and want my mummy and as I curl up on the huge bed and draw my legs to my chest, I’m more vulnerable than at any time throughout this whole adventure.
I can sense the walls closing in on me, and I wonder what Ivan and his friends are talking about. They needed me to leave the room to discuss the details, and it crosses my mind they could be just humoring me. Maybe I still am the sacrificial lamb and will shortly have a different home to get acquainted with. My life is spinning around me like a ball in a roulette wheel and I can’t tell where it will land.
When I met Ivan’s friends, I struggled to breathe. Angelo resembled the lord of darkness and as each one entered the room, I felt like Harry Potter surrounded by Death Eaters. They were friendly enough, but the undercurrent of darkness surrounded them, and I saw what I had signed up for. Ivan is no different. I am blind to his faults because in my eyes he can do no wrong, but I already know their world is a place I don’t fit in. Yet anyway.
Ever since I met my savage, I have been filled with anticipation, excitement, and adventure. He has taken my world and shaken it upside down and I like the view. If we are to survive, I must play my part and when I stepped up and pledged my soul to them, it wasn’t done on a whim. I want to help. I want to repay them all for giving me a shot at a future completely different to the one expected of me.
But will I be good enough? Surely, it’s not dangerous for me. The biggest threat is meeting my father but I’m married now and he must respect that, surely.
A thousand dark and broken thoughts litter my mind as I lie in the subdued darkness and it’s only when the door opens and lets a little light in that I relax a little.
“Hey.” I sit up and stare at my husband and, as always, my heart skips a beat. He looks weary, but there is something about him that’s different.
I can’t place it and as he sits on the bed, he reaches for me and pulls me tightly against him, his arms wrapping around me and holding me close.
He kisses my head, and don’t ask me why, but it feels a lot like goodbye and now I’m afraid, really afraid because what the hell happened in that room when I left?
I whisper against his chest, “What’s happening?”
I’m almost afraid of his answer and he says with a ragged breath.
“I don’t like it.”
“What?”
“Your involvement in this.”
“It’s out of our control. It’s the reason I’m here at all.”
