AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Or Maddox was the only one with the key, so now she’s forced to deal with what happened back then.” Amelia arches a brow across the table at me, and suddenly my anger is being directed toward her.
It’s not her fault for speaking the truth, Pen. Calm down.
Charlotte smiles and then turns back to me. “I have more questions.”
“Fine.”
“Why the hell did he handcuff you to the bed? I mean, by the way you marched in here about ready to plot his death, I take it that move wasn’t a kinky one between the two of you that you agreed to.”
I huff out a laugh. “No, it wasn’t, unfortunately. It was his way of trying to teach me a lesson, of punishing me because I wouldn’t talk about something with him.”
“Youwerepushing him away,” Amelia clarifies. “And it sounds like he wasn’t going to accept it.”
“I don’t want to. It’s just...” I run my fingers through my hair. “He doesn’t know about Jacob. He doesn’t know how scared I am to let him in completely. He doesn’t know—”
Amelia cuts me off. “The only way hewillknow is if you tell him, Pen. And he deserves that.”
“Why can’t I work past this? Why do I feel like my emotions are suffocating me? I’m a grown-ass woman who has no problem taking control of every other aspect of her life, no problem speaking up in any other situation and letting her feelings be known.”
Amelia chimes in again. “Because although you’ve gotten older, you never had to mature emotionally—at least in relationships, that is. You’ve used physical connection as a means to cope, to bury any feelings of intimacy. You’ve never taken time to get to know a man, date one, or think about his feelings because you shut off your own.”
My throat grows tight. “Wow. Don’t hold back.”
“I’m not going to, Penelope, because you need to hear this. Otherwise, you’re going to destroy this relationship before it ever really gets off the ground.” Her face softens. “I love you. We all do. But it’s time to grow up, to stop running from your feelings and your fear, and to face your past so you can make room for Maddox in your future. The eighteen-year-old girl inside of you is begging for room to grow, to work past her trauma and love again. It’s what Jacob would want for you. It’s what weallwant for you.”
Charlotte and Noelle nod and reach for my hands. Amelia keeps talking.
“I’ve said this once before, and I’ll say it again—you lovesohard. Us girls? We are so freaking lucky to have you in our lives. But now it’s our turn to loveyou, to push you and support you as you navigate this shift in your life. Maddox is head over heels for you. Anyone who was watching you two at the wedding saw it. So the question is: Are you ready to move on, Penelope?”
Inhaling deeply, my entire body shudders as a few more tears fall. “I want to. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” The realization slams into me. “And I don’t want to lose him.”
“Then I think you know what you have to do.”
“I need to tell Maddox everything.” My throat goes tight at the thought.
She nods. “You do.”
“And I need to speak with someone.”
She smiles. “You already know who to call. Healing from grief and trauma isn’t linear, Penelope, and everyone handles it differently. It’s circular, an up-and-down type of ride, and sadly, it never truly ends. You will always feel what you went through, just at a different level at times. But if you hide from it, you will always remain at the bottom, in the lulls that you feel you can’t climb out of. Maddox is lending you a hand, babe. He’s offering to help you up, to help you climb the staircase or hold your hand on the rollercoaster so you have something to squeeze. It comes down to if you’re going to let him.”
Leaning back in my chair, I sigh and stare at the three people who know me better than I know myself before finally muttering, “Fuck.”
Their laughter is everything I needed at this moment.
“You’ve got this. If anyone can tackle a problem head-on, it’s you, Pen,” Charlotte says.
“Normally, I wouldn’t disagree with you. But this is a problem I don’t have much experience with.”
“None of us do. Hell, look at me and Damien. Look at Amelia and Ethan. We had our miscommunications, our disagreements, our obstacles to overcome. But we worked past them because we didn’t want to live with regrets, didn’t want to live a life without the person we knew we were meant to be with.”
I tilt my head as I look at my girls. “You know, when you girls found Damien and Ethan, I was genuinely happy for you. I absolutely believed you deserved love and knew how badly you wanted it. I just never wanted that or thought it would happen to me. But now? Maddox is the only guy I’ve ever thought about breaking my rules for. He’s the only one who fought me right back when I tried to push him away.”
“And that’s how you know it’s time to face everything, Pen,” Amelia says. “The past, the present, and the future.”
* * *
Later that afternoon, after brunch, I shower, change into my comfy clothes, throw my hair up off my neck, and go to the back of my closet to retrieve something I only let myself look at once a year.
