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ONE
AUTUMN
I can’t breathe.
Did Leo just say what I think he said? That he has filed for custody ofmydaughter. Swear to God, I must be hearing things because Leo hasn’t spent a day of his pathetic adult life nearmydaughter. Why would he suddenly want to now?
Leo waltzes toward his car, and I lose focus, gripping Jonas’s arm tighter.
An evil cackle floats through the air and robs all but my hearing. His wicked laughter will no doubt haunt me for days and weeks and months to come.
All I want is to wake up from this nightmare. Because this has to be my mind playing a sick trick. An attempt to rip away the only true happiness I have in my life.
My vision focuses enough to see Leo slip into a white Mercedes sedan. He starts the car and revs the engine—which is a joke because the car isn’t equipped to sound threatening. Then he rolls down the driver’s side window as he rolls past us slowly. One corner of his mouth tugged up. Brow cocked. Hoity-toity sunglasses over his eyes.
“Until we see each other again.” He throws a flippant wave and drives off.
For the first time in minutes, I breathe fully. But it doesn’t last long. My deep, full breaths turn to short gasps. Come faster and faster. Pulse pounding so powerfully, I clutch my chest to smother the pain. Fist my shirt and tug at the cotton.
Then I lose it.
I drop my arm from Jonas’s, stammer in place, then tip my face to the sky and scream. Belt out my anger and fear and frustration. I scream for all the bullshit I have dealt with since Leo up and abandoned me. Scream for all the pain and heartache I have endured. And I scream at the universe for doing this. For inflicting me with this level of misery.
What the hell did I do to deserve such duplicity?
From the moment I learned I was pregnant; I have been a good mother. A really good mother. I have given up everything for my daughter. Forfeited every part of life not revolving around her. Sacrificed everything so her life won’t feel any less with only one parent. Given up on love—until Jonas.
Yet here I am, still on the receiving end of punishment. And I don’t get it. Why? Why me? What past blunder has put me on the chopping block? Haven’t I endured enough?
Jonas places a hand on my back—warm and comforting—and draws small circles with his thumb. My anxiety settles down a notch. Just barely. Every nerve ending sparks with unrelenting fury. And I hate it. Hate how easily Leo gets under my skin after so many years apart.
The worst of all… I have been so stuck in my head the last five minutes, I forgot Jonas stood less than a foot away. The man I care deeply for; I mentally abandoned him in a blink. If that doesn’t make me a horrible girlfriend, I don’t know what does.
Jonas steps closer—close enough, he is all I see—and frames my face in his palms. Brow pinching at the midline, he holds my gaze. His eyes a mix of concern and fear, strength and courage.
“Autumn, what can I do?”
The backs of my eyes sting as I slowly shake my head. “I don’t know.” Then the first tear spills and slips down my cheek. Jonas swipes it away. “Jonas, I don’t understand why he is doing this. Why the sudden interest in her? He didn’t care before. Threw us out like trash. So, why now? What triggered this?” As if the first tear granted permission for the others to fall, the floodgates open and flow uninterrupted. My body trembles crown to heel.
Jonas drops his hands to my waist and hauls me closer to him, swathing me in his strong arms. I snake my arms around his waist and cry into his shirt. He shifts one hand to the back of my head, strokes my hair, and shushes me.
“I got you. Just let it out.”
We stand near his Jeep for minutes or hours. I cry gallons of tears as I bury my face in his cotton tee. My eyes puff up painfully. I fist Jonas’s shirt, push off his chest, and add distance between us. Slowly, I peer up at him. His iridescent hazels hold my gaze and silently ask if I am okay.
No, I am nowhere near okay.
Honestly, I don’t know if I will be for some time. But none of my feelings matter right now. Time to put my selfishness on the back burner. Again.
Inside the apartment, there is a little girl whose feelings matter more. Whose will always matter more. And I plan to do whatever it takes to protect that little girl. Protect her from a man who never cared for her or even the idea of her. Protect her heart from the pain this situation may inflict on her.
“We should check on Clementine,” I say, emotionless.
Jonas nods then swipes at my cheeks. He studies me with worried eyes. “Yeah. Let’s check on her.”
I step up to the Jeep and check my reflection in the window.Jesus, I look like shit.
Taking a minute, I swipe at my cheeks to clear as much of the trailed mascara off them as I can. Then I slip my sunglasses on and smooth my hair. Not as if Clementine won’t notice the difference in my appearance, but if I can make it as subtle as possible, I will. I need to.
