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SEVEN
AUTUMN
Our day has been absolutely wonderful. But also offbeat.
Spending time with Jonas lifts my spirits and eases some of the agony festering in my head. In the same breath, time with Jonas leaves me exposed. Wide open to what-ifs and dreams. Unfortunately, with all the shit Leo is stirring up, I cannot afford to live in the world of what-ifs and dreams.
Jonas parks in front of my apartment. After our conversation outside the candy shop, neither of us has spoken much. He means well and speaks the truth when he says I have a small army of people ready and willing to help me. But how will my family compete against Leo? Against everything his family has to offer? Money may not buy love, but, for the right price, it buys other things—including legalities.
When he cuts the engine, Clementine unbuckles her belt. “Wish we could have dinner at Mr. Jonas’s house so I can see Sparty.” The blend of sadness and sarcasm in Clementine’s voice doesn’t go unnoticed.
I twist in my seat and half smile at my daughter. “We’ll see Spartan again. Just not tonight, okay?”
She huffs in the back seat and turns away from me. Why is it every time I feel I am making the right choice—not just for me, but also for Clementine—I appear the bad guy? Yes, she has bonded with Jonas and Spartan. Their connection should make me smile like a fool. And it did until Leo popped up. Now, their connection adds another pang in my heart because I have kept them apart.
But how do I tell her it’s just until the case concludes? Which, fingers crossed, won’t be long. What happens if I throw in the towel? What happens if I live “normally?”
If I live life as I did before Leo made an appearance, I have a sneaking suspicion my and Clementine’s relationship with Jonas will be dragged through the mud. Become tainted and damaged. With his money and resources, Leo has the ability to dig up dirt—or create his own. The last thing I want is for me or Jonas to question each other. Our pasts or some fabricated version.
Seems easier to lay low and dial our relationship down until everything passes. Theresa never gave a specific timeline as to when this would end, but the way she explained the process, I foresee it wrapping up sooner rather than later.
Would I miss the hell out of Jonas? Undeniably, yes. In such a short period of time, he has become so much more than the man I date. He has brought me back to life. And with this minor hiccup of time apart, at least we will come out clean on the other side. Or so I hope.
I peer over at Jonas; his fiery hazels stare back at me with questions. Questions I wish I had the answers to. Sentiments I hug close to my heart.
Will you and Clementine come to the house again? What can I do to help? You know you’re not in this alone, right? Please, let me help. Please, don’t shut me out.
Before I open my mouth and say something undesirable, I twist in my seat and exit the Jeep. As soon as I do, Clementine opens her door. I extend a hand to help her down. She glances at it briefly, ignores it, and shimmies her way down without assistance. “I’m a big girl and can get down by myself. I don’t need your help.”
Knife to the heart.
Once her feet hit the concrete, I reach for her hand and stop her. “Excuse me, young lady.” I drop down in front of her and wait until she looks me in the eye. When she does, I see fire and heartache. “You’re upset, I get it. But that is no reason to be lippy with me. Was I mean to you?”
She bites the inside of her cheek. Behind me, Jonas comes around and stands near us. His stance and energy project his agreeance with me.Thank, god.He doesn’t say a word, but provides me with the strength to hold my ground.
“No, Mama.” Clementine hangs her head. “Sorry.”
“Thank you for apologizing. Sometimes emotions make us say and do things we normally don’t. So, remember to think about other people before you say mean things. Words hurt too, pumpkin.”
She sniffles. “I promise to think harder next time.”
Rising to stand, I hold my hand out to her and she takes it within seconds. Clementine is frustrated with the wishy-washy too. One week, we see Jonas every night. Then, without warning, I strip it all away. I recognize this wasn’t fair of me to do. Maybe with more time and better explanation—not today, but soon—Clementine will understand my reasons.
Inside the apartment, Clementine dashes for the room we share. More than likely, she will be in there until dinner. She apologized for her behavior but now needs solitude to understand it all.
I step into Jonas and wrap my arms around his waist, peering up at him. “Want to help me in the kitchen?” I ask, praying he says yes. My cooking isn’t horrible, but Jonas cooks pasta better.
He plants a quick kiss on my nose. “Sure. Have anything in mind?” I shake my head. “Okay. Well, let’s go investigate our options.”
We head into the kitchen and riffle through the fridge and cabinets. Within minutes, Jonas has chicken, carrots, potatoes, onion, garlic, and green beans on the counter. After I show him where to find the pots, pans, and cutting boards, he gets to work. He puts me in charge of cleaning and cutting the vegetables to roast in the oven. Then he gets to work on cleaning and cutting the chicken into smaller pieces.
Being in the kitchen with Jonas feels routine. Right. A part of who we are. The way we move around each other. How easily life flows when we are together.
In no time, we have a pan loaded with vegetables and olive oil, and a sheet pan covered in barbecue glazed chicken. We pop them in the oven—which I didn’t realize Jonas preheated—and start cleaning up. He makes dinner seem so effortless. I would have given up sooner and probably eaten the leftovers from lunch. Or found something that required less preparation.
Once the dishes are clean, Jonas dries his hands, steps into me and draws me close. My hands automatically wind around his backside while his rest on my lower back and shoulders. And for a moment, we stand stock still. Silent. Nothing but our uneven breaths and pitched heartbeats filling the room.
I love being in Jonas’s arms more than anything. Love how his warmth blankets me, protects me. Love the erratic tick of his heartbeat beneath my ear as I lay my cheek to his chest. I snuggle into him farther, not wanting this moment to end.
