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Not sure if this is her dressy look—since she had an appointment with her attorney—but I love it.
I meet her halfway. “Hey, scarlet,” I whisper. “Happy to see you.”
She smiles and my heart hiccups. “Brought us food.” She swings a bag in the air.
I glance back at Dad and he tips his head toward the office. “Let’s go inside.” She nods and I direct us to a more private place to talk.
Once we reach the office, I strip out of my coveralls. “Jonas, what…” Before she gets another word out, I wrap my arms around her and breathe her in. She drops her purse and the bags of food to the ground and winds her arms around me, squeezing me as if I may disappear any minute.
We stand like this—unmoving, not a word spoken—for minutes. Autumn presses her ear to my chest and listens to my heartbeat. With one hand around her waist, I stroke the length of her hair with the other. I close my eyes and rest my cheek on the crown of her head. Breathe slow and steady as I reacquaint myself with her perfume, the feel of being in her arms, her warmth. Everything about this moment feels like returning home after years apart. No matter what, there is no way in hell we are spending so much time apart again. I may have said as much last time, but I don’t care. She means too much.
“God, I’ve missed you,” I whisper.
Her arms squeeze me tighter as she fists the back of my shirt. “Me, too. So much.”
I lean away and she tips her head back, her cognac irises swirl as she soaks me in. Without hesitation, I lower my lips to hers. As soon as our lips meet, I am home again. Every tear, every spit of anger, every hair pulling moment since I last saw her disappears. Wiped away with the press of her lips.
The kiss isn’t lusty or intense but expresses every emotion we experienced in our time apart. Deprivation. Anticipation. Hope. Love. It spins in the air, surrounds us, like a gyroscope.
Reluctantly, I break the kiss and press my forehead to hers. “Can we please not torture ourselves like this again?”
Autumn lays her palm on my cheek and strokes her thumb over my stubble. “No more torture. Promise.”
I exhale and pull back to look in her eyes. “Thank fuck.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “Let’s sit down so we can talk and eat.”
After picking the food bag up from the floor, I guide us over to the couch. Rummaging through the bag, I note she went to the sub shop I took her to months ago. And she ordered the exact same sandwich I got that day. Either she has a fantastic memory or she made the perfect wild guess. Either way, I smile at the notion.
We unwrap the brown paper from our subs and dig in. After each of us has a few bites, Autumn sets hers down, wipes the hint of mayo off her lips, and faces me.
“I’m sorry for how things have been between us since all this chaos started. It wasn’t fair of me to not include you. Thought I was doing right by Clementine.”
I reach for her hand and hold it between mine. “You do not need to apologize for loving your daughter. For wanting the best for her. And with her father showing up, neither of us knew what the best looked like.”
She nods. “True. But I have a better grasp now.” Autumn tucks her lips between her teeth as her jaw wobbles. “Jonas, it has been terrifying. Not knowing what will happen from one minute to the next.” Her eyes glaze over. “I had it drilled in my head that if I wasn’t the picture-perfect parent—and who knows what that looks like—I would lose Clementine. And although I have always been there for her, done everything to provide for her, I feared me being with a man other than her father would look bad in the court’s eyes.”
I give her a minute to catch her breath before speaking. “Not to come across in a derogatory way, but why would you think they’d look down on you for being with another man?”
Autumn sighs as her head slumps an inch forward. “I don’t want to get into it too much because it rehashes bad memories, but my parents would be the reason.” She closes her eyes a moment and swallows. When she opens them, I see the tears ready to spill. “Long story short, my parents don’t believe a woman should be with any other man except the father of her children. Most people call my parents extreme. I didn’t know any different until my late teens. In their eyes, when I told them I was pregnant, I should have married Leo. Of course, I got lectured several hours a day and handprints on my cheeks for having premarital sex. Until I left.”
Just wow.
Yes, I have heard of people behaving like this. Only seeing the world as one way. Expecting or assuming every man and woman lived their life in this way. But I have never personally known anyone with such perceptions. I haven’t met Autumn’s parents, but if I ever do—after what she just said—I don’t imagine the meeting will be pleasant.
“I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t seem appropriate.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything. I haven’t seen or spoken to them in almost eight years. But every now and again, small tidbits of how they raised me creep in and fill me with doubt or fear. Make me wonder if I made the right choice when I left their house. Eventually, I remind myself why I chose to leave and the questions and uncertainty fade. But when Leo made an appearance, it was the first time since leaving I let all their hurtful words seep back in. Let them overrule every rational thought. And I don’t want it to happen again.”
I want to assure her it won’t happen again. Not with me supporting her. But now is not the time to make such proclamations. Not when the case with Leo still looms over her like an angry thunderstorm.
“You know I’m here for you, right?” Autumn nods. “Good. Nothing will change that. You and Clementine are my world. My girls.” A delicate smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. “Just don’t shut me out again. Please.”
I have never been the type of man to beg or grovel, but I will do whatever it takes to keep Autumn and Clementine close. Being without them for the last couple of weeks has been torture. The sleepless nights and lack of laughter and joy. My purpose had been stolen. Robbed by someone who holds no significance in any of our lives.
Autumn shakes her head. “I won’t. It’s been hard dealing with all this Leo stuff. When I sat down and really thought it over, dealing with it all without you to support me is harder.”
I take the sandwich in my lap and set it on the table, followed by Autumn’s sandwich. As soon as they are out of the way, I scoop her into my lap and just hold her. Hold her until my arms grow tired. Hold her until she melts into me and I melt into her. For as long as I live, I will never have my fill of this woman. Of the love she gives.
A soft knock raps at the door. “Come in,” I grumble against Autumn’s neck, refusing to let her go.
