AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Panic hits my bloodstream anew and a tremor vibrates my body. Not enough for Penny to notice, but Jonas does. His hold on me is stronger as he leans in and kisses my temple.
Why the hell is Leo suddenly so interested in Clementine? After jumping ship close to eight years ago, telling me he had no idea how to be a father—nor did he want to be—why is he so eager to fill the role now? And how does he know where we live? What I named her?
Something had to have provoked his interest. It’s the only logical explanation. But what the hell changed?
Then the answer hits me like a wall of summer humidity. Steals my breath and robs my heart. Jonas. Jonas is the only difference in my life after all these years.
What if Leo has secretly kept tabs on me over the years—kept tabs on Clementine—and recently learned Jonas and I started dating? Although he has no desire to be with me or be a father, is this his way of saying,I don’t want them, but no one else can have them either?
My stomach balls into a knot and twists my gut.
If this holds true… one—this is fucking bullshit. And two—in order to not lose my daughter, I need to do something harsh. Something I may regret for the rest of my life. Something that has me queasy and on the verge of vomiting.
I need to distance myself and Clementine from Jonas. If my being with Jonas prompted this whole debacle, I need to back off. At least until I consult with an attorney and everything clears up.
Bile rises and burns my throat as I pinch my eyes closed. Jesus, I am going to be sick.
As if Jonas senses my dismay, he squeezes my hip and I open my eyes. I peek up at him and every molecule of love I hold for him slumps with sadness and heartache.
I don’t want to do this. Can’t do this. But what other choice do I have? Leo has dumped my worst nightmare in my lap and I see no other way out of it. Not yet, anyway.
“How am I supposed to handle this?” I whisper more to myself than to Jonas or Penny.
Jonas takes both my hands in his and lifts them to his chest. Beneath my palms, his heart thumps the rhythm I recently memorized. A rhythm I tucked away for safekeeping. And now it seems as if I will be unlocking that vault sooner than expected to play the recorded rhythm.
Because I am about to change everything. I am about to break both of us.
I stare at Jonas’s chest as my fingers gently rumple his shirt. He places a finger under my chin and tips it up until our eyes meet. Golden to hazel. In his eyes, I see promise and hope and love. The knife twists harder beneath my diaphragm at seeing his unconditional support.
I will miss him. So goddamn much. Every second and minute and hour. Every day and week and month. I mentally clench my fists and pinch my eyes.
“We will get through this together. Okay?” Voice soft and tender and barely audible. It shreds my heart further. “No matter what happens, as long as we have each other, we will survive this.”
The backs of my eyes sting, but I don’t dare let the tears break free. Tears may be what gives me away. And me putting distance between us won’t happen if he picks up on my plan.
For now, I keep this tidbit to myself. I trudge forward and let him believe everything will be okay with us. I pray, in the end, it will be better than okay. So, I nod and force past the pain piercing my heart.
Regardless of my feelings, I must remain strong. Not just to get through whatever bullshit Leo is about to deliver, but also to protect my daughter. Above any person, Clementine matters most. And since the moment I learned I would be a mother, I swore to do whatever it takes to keep her safe and feeling loved.
Even if that means losing the only other person I have ever loved. Even if that means losing Jonas.
TWO
JONAS
The alarm clock wails on my bedside table and, for a moment, I ignore it. Ignore the blaring tone as it changes every ten seconds and becomes more frantic. When Spartan nudges my ribs, I roll my eyes and slap a hand in the general direction of the clock. After a few blind slaps, silence consumes the room again.
Silence and darkness.
After leaving Autumn’s apartment last night, I couldn’t shake the sudden pain in my chest. This sinking, drowning, I-can’t-pull-in-enough-oxygen sensation. No matter how much I assured Autumn I’d be at her side, that we would get through this, a nagging pinch lingered beneath my sternum.
All night, I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. Studied the minor imperfections in the plaster. On occasion, I drifted off. Only to be woken fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes later.
The pang beneath my ribs didn’t exist solely from Clementine’s father making an appearance—although he royally pissed me off. The stab persisted because something was off with Autumn. With us.
When Autumn, Penny, and I went to the kitchen to talk, Ifeltthe rift start. Our relationship may still be young, we may not know much about each other, but I have never been more hyperaware of anyone. Not even Cora. And seconds after we stepped into the kitchen, something in Autumn changed.
Can’t pinpoint exactly what, but the ground shifted beneath us. The tectonic plates holding our hearts started slowly drifting apart. And the crack between us swallows me whole.
